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The appearance of mass media plays a vital role in the modern life of human being as a marked milestone. While thin women are promoted by the media, there is a dark side to this picture which affects both individuals and society. I believe that the awaren v.1

The appearance of mass media plays a vital role in the modern life of human being as a marked milestone. While thin women are promoted by the media, there is a dark side to this picture which affects both individuals and society. I believe that the awaren v. 1
In the future, due to the increasing popularity of online shopping, all the stores in small and big cities will close. However, I do not agree with the foreseen scenario. In my opinion, in the future people will still want to try products in a store, and in some cases people will not want to wait for a long delivery time. First of all, in many cases, customers want to test a product before buying it. Thus, usually people visit stores in order to have a glance of the product or even to try it out. For instance, while buying either a pair of shoes or clothes, some customers want to wear them just to verify weather they are confortable or not. Consequently, while shopping online is not possible to test the product before buying it. In addition, delivery time might be an issue for someone who wants to buy something and have it right away. Hence, only when going to a store is possible to have the product at the same time the purschase happens. For example, if someone needs urgently a new shirt, going to a department store might be the only way to have it. Therefore, delivery time might be a reason for some people in paying a visit to a shop. In conclusion, while online shopping is on the rise, shops all over the city have some advantages, such as allowing the customers to check the product in person and no delivery time at all. So, I believe that shops around towns and cities will not be closing anytime soon.
In the future, due to the increasing popularity of online shopping, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities will close.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the foreseen scenario. In my opinion, in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to wait for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delivery
time.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying it.
Thus
,
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in order to have a glance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or even to try it out.
For instance
, while buying either a pair of shoes or clothes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
customers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to wear them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to verify weather they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
confortable
or not.
Consequently
, while shopping online is not possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying it.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delivery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might be an issue for someone who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something and have it right away.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
is possible to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
purschase
happens.
For example
, if someone needs
urgently
a new shirt, going to a department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
might be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to have it.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delivery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might be a reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in paying a visit to a shop.

In conclusion
, while online shopping is on the rise, shops all over the city have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, such as allowing the customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in person and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delivery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that shops around towns and cities will not be closing anytime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The appearance of mass media plays a vital role in the modern life of human being as a marked milestone. While thin women are promoted by the media, there is a dark side to this picture which affects both individuals and society. I believe that the awaren v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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