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Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problem has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue? v.1

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problem has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue? v. 1
Nowadays, promotions are influencing the public in a large level. A variety of marketing methodology adopted by several companies, among that, different media boosting the young and slim ladies as perfect individuals. This will discuss the drawbacks caused by this concept and the solution that can adopt to avoid this misconception. To begin with comma the major issue happened due to this delusion is that, the imitation tendency of all age group individuals. Humans always have a habit to follow attention seeking attracting things and this type of ideal believes force them to become thin by trying different diets that consequently affects the body badly. For instance, in present Era, many celebrities posing for the advertisements look young and slim even though they are in their middle age. Thus, the normal people push themselves to be the same and sometimes that result in health problems. That individual who is fat feels inferiority complex due to these ways of misleading ideal thoughts, which sometimes makes their life miserable. For example, nowadays it can see that many overweight people are bullied by others. However, the public and put forward different solutions for these types of perfection concepts. The foremost resolution which could be implemented is the proper awareness classes from the elementary school. Proper education about the perfect life and the misleading realities around the world enables the individuals to focus on their personality. Furthermore, encourage all types of appearance rather than supporting thin personals. The body structure changes due to several genetic hormones and daily habits. Therefore, support those are overweight and inspired them to become perfect in their own ways. To conclude, media promotion always intended to attract public and the young and thin women ideal person concept results in imitative tendency and also inferiority complex. The solution that people can take is to give proper awareness about perfect life and also to support those who have obesity problems.
Nowadays, promotions are influencing the public in a large level. A variety of marketing methodology adopted by several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, among that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
media boosting the young and slim ladies as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. This will discuss the drawbacks caused by this concept and the solution that can
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
avoid this misconception.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with comma the major issue happened due to this delusion is that, the imitation tendency of all age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. Humans always have a habit to follow attention seeking attracting things and this type of ideal believes force them to become thin by trying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diets that
consequently
affects the body
badly
.
For instance
, in present Era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities posing for the advertisements look young and slim
even though
they are in their middle age.
Thus
, the normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
push themselves to be the same and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
that result in health problems. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
feels inferiority complex due to these ways of misleading ideal thoughts, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life miserable.
For example
, nowadays it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are bullied
by others.

However
, the public and put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
solutions for these types of perfection concepts. The foremost resolution which could
be implemented
is the proper awareness classes from the elementary school. Proper education about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
life and the misleading realities around the world enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to focus on their personality.
Furthermore
, encourage all types of appearance
rather
than supporting thin personals. The body structure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
due to several genetic hormones and daily habits.
Therefore
, support those are overweight and inspired them to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways.

To conclude
, media promotion always intended to attract public and the young and thin women ideal person concept results in imitative tendency and
also
inferiority complex. The solution that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can take is to give proper awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perfect
life and
also
to support those who have obesity problems.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problem has this caused? What solutions can you suggest to this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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