Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of thin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solution can you suggest to this issue? v.1

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of thin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solution can you suggest to this issue? v. 1
In recent years, the media has been continuously promoting slim women as the ideal ones. As a result, many women have to face problems of discrimination at work and are under constant pressure to reduce and maintain their weight. However, there are several measures that can be taken to solve this problem. One main issue women are facing today while applying for some type of jobs is discrimination. For instance, cinemas and TV shows tend to prefer slim girls for lead roles. This often makes it very difficult for other women who do not have an ideal weight to get selected in these kinds of jobs. To solve this problem, producers should choose the ladies based on their skills rather than their figure. People are usually more interested to see a talented woman than to an attractive body with no talent. Another concern is that some women get so obsessed to achieve the ideal weight that they adopt unhealthy practices without thinking about its consequences. These women get pressurized and they start using either weight reduction pills or stringent diets, which helps them achieve great results in a very short span of time. However, what they do not understand is by using these pills and deriving themselves from essential nutrients, they are in fact, causing inevitable problems for their body. Governments with the help of the media ought to promote the importance of both healthy mind and fit body. If women understood that being fit is by far more important than becoming thin, they would implement natural and safe methods to make themselves fit. In conclusion, promoting a thin body as ideal for women has resulted in various problems. Only when typical employers prefer skills over looks and governments promote healthy lifestyles, will these issues be resolved.
In recent years, the media has been
continuously
promoting slim
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
ones.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of discrimination at work and are under constant pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
However
, there are several measures that can
be taken
to solve this problem.

One main issue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
while applying for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
type of jobs is discrimination.
For instance
, cinemas and TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
tend to prefer slim girls for lead roles. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who do not have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
selected in these kinds of jobs. To solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, producers should choose the ladies based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
rather
than their figure.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
usually
more interested to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a talented woman than to an attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
with no talent.

Another concern is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obsessed to achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
that they adopt unhealthy practices without thinking about its consequences. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pressurized and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
reduction pills or stringent diets, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them achieve great results in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short span of time.
However
, what they do not understand is by using these pills and deriving themselves from essential nutrients, they are in fact, causing inevitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the media ought to promote the importance of both healthy mind and fit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
understood that
being fit
is by far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than becoming thin, they would implement natural and safe methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves fit.

In conclusion
, promoting a thin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideal
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has resulted in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when typical employers prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
over looks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
promote healthy lifestyles, will these issues
be resolved
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of thin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solution can you suggest to this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts