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The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land in sea. What are the reasons and solutions? v.2

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land in sea. What are the reasons and solutions? v. 2
There are a number of factors that explain why animals are at risk of distinction. However, this issue can be resolved by adopting a number of solutions. Among various reasons, the distinction of several animals, the massive construction of companies is probably most relevant. The first explicit evidence can be shown is that the building of companies is likely accompanied by the destruction of a vast stretch of forest where a variety of wildlife animals inhabit. As a result, when the main habitat is eliminated, a lot of species, like chimpanzees, would have difficulty in finding food and home, which leads them to stand on the edge of distinction. Besides, the way manufacturers treat their waste also exerts a devasting impact on the natural biological communities, threatening the surviving of animals. In fact, some companies recharge toxic waste directly into water bodies without adequate treatment to remove harmful substances. The lives of thousands of plants and organisms living in these bodies are in jeopardy as a result of the industrial waste. Several actions can be taken to preserve wildlife animals. Firstly, it is integral to outlaw the deforestation of any purposes. To undergo this, all of the forests need to be conserved as national parks where species are provided sufficient accommodation and food chain. In addition, the government should produce some strict rules or regulations in order to hinder the illegal waste disposal of manufacturers. For example, the company may be imposed a higher tax if hazardous waste from their manufacture is detected nearby water bodies. In conclusion, some measures need to be taken to preserve the wildlife of animal.
There are a number of factors that
explain
why
animals
are at
risk
of distinction.
However
, this issue can
be resolved
by adopting a number of solutions.

Among various reasons, the distinction of several
animals
, the massive construction of
companies
is
probably
most relevant. The
first
explicit evidence can
be shown
is that the building of
companies
is likely accompanied by the destruction of a vast stretch of forest where a variety of wildlife
animals
inhabit.
As a result
, when the main habitat
is eliminated
,
a lot of
species, like chimpanzees, would have difficulty in finding food and home, which leads them to stand on the edge of distinction.
Besides
, the way manufacturers treat their
waste
also
exerts a
devasting
impact on the natural biological communities, threatening the surviving of
animals
. In fact,
some
companies
recharge toxic
waste
directly
into water bodies without adequate treatment to remove harmful substances. The
lives
of thousands of plants and organisms living in these bodies are in jeopardy
as a result
of the industrial waste.

Several actions can
be taken
to preserve wildlife
animals
.
Firstly
, it is integral to outlaw the deforestation of any purposes. To undergo this,
all of the
forests need to
be conserved
as national parks where species
are provided
sufficient accommodation and food chain.
In addition
, the
government
should produce
some
strict
rules
or regulations in order to hinder the illegal
waste
disposal of manufacturers.
For example
, the
company
may
be imposed
a higher tax if hazardous
waste
from their manufacture
is detected
nearby water bodies.

In conclusion
,
some
measures need to
be taken
to preserve the wildlife of
animal
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land in sea. What are the reasons and solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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