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The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea What are the reasons and solutions v.1

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea What are the reasons and solutions v. 1
Over the last few decades, the juvenile crime is rapidly increasing. There is often a dichotomy in opinion, on whether, no matter what the age of the offender is, they should be dealt equally or not. I strongly believe that the judicial system must be same for every aspect of people for the major crimes. To begin with, the purpose of the school education is to develop the skills to learn what is good or bad. To put in another way, in the school, the child has been taught regarding the consequences of the wrong doing. For the major crimes, given the leverage to anyone has the detrimental effect on the societies. To illustrate this, let take the example of the “Jhon Marcey” who was charged with the crime of the killing of his own aunt, but has been forgiven due to his young age. In spite of taking this mercy as a golden chance and improve himself as a good citizen, he reoffended the same act of terror by killing the prime witness of the murder in the rage and anger for telling the truth to the jury. Furthermore, the judicial law should be same for every citizen to maintain the decorum of the society, regardless of colour, age or gender. As an illustration, if the offenders forgive on the basis of age, there will be a chance to the same act of violence. Because, he knew that he will be set free in the courtroom again due to his underage. The most compelling example for this could be found in the United States of America, When the state announces the relief on the punishment of teenagers, the amount of offender increase. Although, the underage criminal has been arrested, the jury released them as per the new state law. To summarize, the offender of the major crimes should be treat on the equal-basis regardless of their age for maintaining the decorum of the society
Over the last few decades, the juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is
rapidly
increasing. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a dichotomy in opinion, on whether, no matter what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
is, they should
be dealt
equally
or not. I
strongly
believe that the judicial system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be same for every aspect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for the major crimes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the purpose of the school education is to develop the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to learn what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. To put in another way, in the school, the child has
been taught
regarding the consequences of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doing. For the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the leverage to anyone has the detrimental effect on the societies. To illustrate this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
take the example of the “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jhon
Possible spelling mistake found.
Marcey
” who
was charged
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
of the killing of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
aunt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has
been forgiven
due to his young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
taking this mercy as a golden chance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
himself as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen, he
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffended
the same act of terror by killing the prime witness of the murder in the rage and anger for telling the truth to the jury.

Furthermore
, the judicial law should be same for every citizen to maintain the decorum of the society, regardless of
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
or gender. As an illustration, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
forgive on the basis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, there will be a chance to the same act of violence.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, he knew that he will
be set
free in the courtroom again due to his underage. The most compelling example for this could
be found
in the United States of America, When the state announces the relief on the punishment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
increase. Although, the underage criminal has
been arrested
, the jury released them as per the new state law.

To summarize
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
should be
Did you mean "treated"?
treat
on the equal-basis regardless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
for maintaining the decorum of the society
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea What are the reasons and solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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