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Professional workers like doctors nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities To what extent do you agree or disagree v.8

Professional workers like doctors nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities v. 8
IIt is true that some experts of medical and teaching fields have a lower income than celebrities. The difference is still argumentative. However, I think the society should pay musicians and teachers better for their contribution. On the one hand, I believe that medical and teaching jobs should be paid a better income than entertaining jobs for some justifications. The first reason is that medicine and education are key factors contributing to the development of society, therefore, a shortage of employees in the two sectors will cause the imbalance of a country. As a result, the government should impose beneficial policies of income for people working in these fields in order to keep the labour source sufficiently. Besides, a lucrative salary will stimulate musicians and teachers to enhance their skills as well as create breakthroughs, benefiting the society in various aspects. For example, the Nobel prize, with a valuable reward can afford the expenditure of scientists when they do researchers and encourage them to put more effort into their professionals. However, I think it is likely reasonable to pay an escalating income for celebrities. firstly, famous people draw a great attraction of the public, which facilitates for companies. As a result, businesses are willing to pay celebrities well with a purpose of hiring them to promote products. Another reason for this issue is that recreational activities also contribute to developing a country like other fields when it brings a huge amount of profit through tourism. In fact, some authorities use celebrities to represent the national identity, spreading the fame of the country out over the world. Therefore, the government need to give them plenty of money to acknowledge their contribution to the public. In conclusion, I partly agree that medical and teaching jobs need paying higher than any works in the society because of the tremendous roles. However, it seems not reasonable when celebrities are paid well and the government need to consider the advantages of each field in order to have an appropriate support.
Possible spelling mistake found.
IIt
is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts of medical and teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
have a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. The difference is
still
argumentative.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
should pay musicians and teachers better for their contribution.

On the one hand, I believe that medical and teaching jobs should
be paid
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
than entertaining jobs for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
justifications. The
first
reason is that medicine and education are key factors contributing to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
therefore
, a shortage of employees in the two sectors will cause the imbalance of a country.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose beneficial policies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
source
sufficiently
.
Besides
, a lucrative salary will stimulate musicians and teachers to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as create breakthroughs, benefiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in various aspects.
For example
, the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Nobel prize
, with a valuable reward can afford the expenditure of scientists when they do researchers and encourage them to put more effort into their professionals.

However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is likely reasonable to pay an escalating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
draw a great attraction of the public, which facilitates for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
As a result
, businesses are willing to pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
well with a purpose of hiring them to promote products. Another reason for this issue is that recreational activities
also
contribute to developing a country like other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
when it brings a huge amount of profit through tourism. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to represent the national identity, spreading the fame of the country out over the world.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of money to acknowledge their contribution to the public.

In conclusion
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that medical and teaching jobs need paying higher than any works in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the tremendous roles.
However
, it seems not reasonable when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are paid
well and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to consider the advantages of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
in order to have an appropriate support.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Professional workers like doctors nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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