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Many people do not feel safe either at home or they are out. What are the causes, and what can be done to make people feel safer? v.1

Many people do not feel safe either at home or they are out. What are the causes, and what can be done to make people feel safer? v. 1
Nowadays, Most of the countries are interesting to allow to stay people from other countries. There are multiple reasons behind the scenes. I can agree, Due to the immigrants from the different nationalities in the country might be popular, however, there are negligible negative signs also in this context. In this essay, I will elaborate the reasons based on my own knowledge. In my contest, Firstly, A country can be more popular in different aspects such as financial, culture, Industrial and the tourism. If more people moving to one country mean indirectly it is the most popular country having good living conditions. And when the multiple people stay together who were coming from distinct places, then there is a chance to increase the culture. For instance, I am working with people who came from different countries. While working along with them, I have learned their culture and about the society. It would be helpful for me to change my thinking in various things. Secondly, the country will be strong in the financial sector as the immigrants pay the tax to the government in the country. It could be helpful to the country to increase the facilities. When there are more availabilities then more people willing to come to stay and visit. So that the country tourism will be increased. For example, now there are more people are like to stay in Canada because of the opportunities and the weather. And the Canadian government also has been increasing the immigrants count per the year. In conclusion, A country becomes more popular when there are multiple nationalities is true. This will be helpful to grow the country as well as individually. And the country has to decide the number of people they can accommodate and choose the right people to grow faster.
Nowadays, Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are interesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. There are multiple reasons behind the scenes. I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, Due to the immigrants from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
might be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
,
however
, there are negligible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
signs
also
in this context. In this essay, I will elaborate the reasons based on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
knowledge.

In my contest,
Firstly
, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects such as financial, culture, Industrial and the tourism.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
mean
indirectly
it is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living conditions. And when the multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
together who were coming from distinct places, then there is a chance to increase the culture.
For instance
, I am working with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who came from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. While working along with them, I have learned their culture and about the society. It would be helpful for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my thinking in various things.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be strong in the financial sector as the immigrants pay the tax to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It could be helpful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to increase the facilities. When there are
Did you mean "more availabilities than"?
more availabilities then
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
and visit.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
tourism will
be increased
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in Canada
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the opportunities and the weather. And the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
has been increasing the immigrants count per the year.

In conclusion
, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
becomes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
when there are multiple nationalities is true. This will be helpful to grow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
as
individually
. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
decide the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they can accommodate and choose the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to grow faster.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Many people do not feel safe either at home or they are out. What are the causes, and what can be done to make people feel safer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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