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The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages? v.1

The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages? v. 1
Modern day technology has enabled us to be up to date on international affairs across the globe, including sports events. Based on the fast progression of satellite engineering, it is safe to presume that the current amount of television coverage will undoubtedly increase further in the years to come. Live sports events have already been influenced by the phenomenon; there is, however, both benefits and drawbacks. Some have called television "man's new best friend", with its spectacular live-streaming abilities, making it possible for viewers to savour the excitement and thrills of a being at a live event at the comfort of one's couch. Not to mention, constant replays also breaks down the invisible time zone barriers. Another bonus is the possibility of abolishing "sports racism"－extortionate ticket prices usually meant only the privileged went to live sports events, thus inspiring more people to participate in sports events. On the contrast, the disadvantages of having so many sports on television are the general decline in ticket sales, this is especially evident in smaller sports and games. In addition, without a live crowd to cheer them on, it will unquestioningly have an impact on the athletes' morale. If circumstances worsen, it just might put minor leagues or teams out of business. While televised sport has created many opportunities, it is also responsible for irreversibly changing the nature of live sports events. Whether it is a change for good or not, it is in my opinion that the benefits slightly outweigh the disadvantages.
Modern day technology has enabled us to be up to date on international affairs across the globe, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. Based on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
progression of satellite engineering, it is safe to presume that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
amount of television coverage will
undoubtedly
increase
further
in the years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have already
been influenced
by the phenomenon; there is,
however
, both benefits and drawbacks.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
have called television
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's new best friend
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, with its spectacular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
-streaming abilities, making it possible for viewers to
Possible spelling mistake found.
savour
the excitement and thrills of a being at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
at the comfort of one's couch. Not to mention, constant replays
also
breaks down the invisible time zone barriers. Another bonus is the possibility of abolishing
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
sports racism
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
－extortionate
ticket prices
usually
meant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the privileged went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
thus
inspiring more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

On the contrast, the disadvantages of having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on television are the general decline in ticket sales, this is
especially
evident in smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and games.
In addition
, without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
crowd to cheer them on, it will
unquestioningly
have an impact on the athletes' morale. If circumstances worsen, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
might put minor leagues or teams out of business.

While televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities, it is
also
responsible for
irreversibly
changing the nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. Whether it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not, it is in my opinion that the benefits
slightly
outweigh the disadvantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The amount of sport shown on television every week has increased significantly and this is having an impact on live sports events. Do you think the benefits of having more televised sport are greater than the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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