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Many countries want to host international sports events, while other countries think that hosting sports events has more disadvantages than benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many countries want to host international sports events, while other countries think that hosting sports events has more disadvantages than benefits. v. 1
Technology has majorly improved individuals' interactions with each other in recent years. This is because it has impacted people’s relationships positively such us, long-lasting distance communication and uniting people together. I believe it has resulted in positive growth. The use of cell phones, Skype, Instagram, emails, and instant messaging has been a breakthrough in people’s communication with their families, partners, and friends globally. Furthermore, individuals from different continents unite through dating sites and social media. For example, applications such as Whatsapp and Skype are used universally for video and voice calls by different people at an affordable cost to communicate with their parents, acquaintances, and spouses. Because of this, distance relationships can blossom, and individuals are free to communicate with their loved ones overseas daily Additionally, the businesses have developed globally because of technology. Given that in the past, there were no online stores, people used to go for window shopping before purchasing a product that was time-consuming or attires were made by the village tailor. However, nowadays, it has helped individuals save time. For instance, people can order products online as well as delivery services at the doorstep or in the office. As a result of this, people can access all the services online. To summarize, these days technology has transformed people's interactions. Also, It has resulted in positive global development such as online businesses. Utilization of mobile phones, Skype, Whatsapp, Instagram, emails, and instant messaging has been beneficial to different long distance relationships. Therefore, I believe it is a positive development.
Technology has
majorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
individuals' interactions with each other in recent years. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has impacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
relationships
positively
such us, long-lasting distance communication and uniting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. I believe it has resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
growth.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell phones, Skype, Instagram, emails, and instant messaging has been a breakthrough in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
communication with their families, partners, and friends globally.
Furthermore
, individuals from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
continents unite through dating sites and social media.
For example
, applications such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
and Skype are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
universally
for video and voice calls by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at an affordable cost to communicate with their parents, acquaintances, and spouses.
Because of this
, distance relationships can blossom, and individuals are free to communicate with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
overseas
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
daily


Additionally
, the businesses have developed globally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technology.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that in the past, there were no online stores,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go for window shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
purchasing a product that was time-consuming or attires
were made
by the village tailor.
However
, nowadays, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
individuals save time.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can order products online
as well
as delivery services at the doorstep or in the office.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access all the services online.

To summarize
, these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
technology has transformed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's interactions.
Also
, It has resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
global development such as online businesses. Utilization of mobile phones, Skype,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, Instagram, emails, and instant messaging has been beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
long distance relationships.
Therefore
, I believe it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Many countries want to host international sports events, while other countries think that hosting sports events has more disadvantages than benefits. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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