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Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence? v.1

Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence? v. 1
Skyscrapers are a feature of modern cities in the world. They provide much needed accommodation as both homes and businesses but some people feel that we should not build skyscrapers for safety and aesthetic reasons. I think these factors need to be taken into account when planning such buildings. Tall buildings can offer a solution to the problem of overcrowding that blights many of our cities today. They can accommodate large numbers of families in a relatively small area therefore allowing for other amenities such as parks and leisure facilities. Businesses can also take advantage of skyscrapers as it gives them the opportunity of having their premises located in the centre of a city ensuring that their employees can easily access their work. A final and not insignificant benefit of skyscrapers is that they can provide light and airy spaces for city living and working offering spectacular views of the city which can be beneficial to health and well-being. Despite these advantages, there are many people who object to this type of architecture saying that skyscrapers are dangerous, particularly in places where earthquakes occur. Another concern about tall buildings is the danger of people becoming socially isolated as it is more difficult to meet people than it would be at ground level and with a private garden. Moreover, this isolation can lead to further problems such as suicide risks or extra health costs. Finally people feel that the lack of green space afforded to the dwellers of high-rise flats is a distinct disadvantage, especially for children. Given our current rate of population growth world-wide, however, I believe that skyscrapers are a necessity rather than an option. Although such tall buildings have obvious disadvantages, if these are well managed then the benefits of this type of architecture far outweigh the dangers. I personally feel that, having considered the evidence, skyscrapers offer the best way of providing much needed accommodation in many of the world’s cities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skyscrapers
are a feature of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in the world. They provide
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
accommodation as both homes and businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that we should not build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skyscrapers
for safety and aesthetic reasons. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these factors need to
be taken
into account when planning such buildings.

Tall buildings can offer a solution to the problem of overcrowding that blights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. They can accommodate large numbers of families in a
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
area
therefore
allowing for other amenities such as parks and leisure facilities. Businesses can
also
take advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skyscrapers
as it gives them the opportunity of having their premises located in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of a city ensuring that their employees can
easily
access their work. A final and not insignificant benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skyscrapers
is that they can provide light and airy spaces for city living and working offering spectacular views of the city which can be beneficial to health and well-being.

Despite these advantages, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who object to this type of architecture saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skyscrapers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
,
particularly
in places where earthquakes occur. Another concern about tall buildings is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming
socially
isolated as it is more difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than it would be at ground level and with a private garden.
Moreover
, this isolation can lead to
further
problems such as suicide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
or extra health costs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that the lack of green space afforded to the dwellers of high-rise flats is a distinct disadvantage,
especially
for children.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
rate of population growth world-wide,
however
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skyscrapers
are a necessity
rather
than an option. Although such tall buildings have obvious disadvantages, if these are well managed then the benefits of this type of architecture far outweigh the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. I
personally
feel that, having considered the evidence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skyscrapers
offer the best way of providing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
accommodation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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