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Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence? v.2

Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence? v. 2
Unlike the past, these days people’s lives has been alter in a quick rate in every society, Either in developing counties or developed ones. The question is, however, whether media have influential impacts on our lives or politician. Despite popular belief, I am, to a huge extent, an advocate of the former position. Granted, media, from a practical viewpoint, play a vital role in every individual’s life. First and foremost media is the most attractive option for people in order to pastime. As a classification, I would contend that thanks to high-tech technology which is entail of smart phone, laptop and etc. , people can be access a vast number of applications. These application ranging from social applications to websites which give them a great chance not only can you link with a huge amount of information which is related to global events even in faraway countries but also you can be discuss about it with numerous people and express your idea as well. Further and most importantly, there is another thing which come through our mind in first glance, is about long-distance relationship with people who live in other nations with different culture and norms. Thus, it either positively or negatively affect our life. Also, some application, the salient example is Instagram, directly impact on people’s mind and it triggers cultural assimilation in a number of cases. As we can clearly see, most people try to follow the global trend in a variety of subject such as clothing, music, business and so on. On the other hand, nevertheless, most of politician have several effect on people’s life by decisions that they take on a number of situation. Firstly, government set regulation on different subjects. So, it is limited people freedom in number of actions. Another exquisite point is about economic forces they make on people by setting the price on products and job opportunities. Hence there is no doubt that we never can ignore the impacts of politician from our life. All things considered, although states have a crucial role on our lives, I wholeheartedly reaffirm that has the most influence on our life in different stages, particularly in terms of information sources and social contact.
Unlike the past, these days
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "peoples"?
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
has been alter in a quick rate in every society, Either in developing counties or developed ones. The question is,
however
, whether media have influential impacts on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
or politician. Despite popular belief, I am, to a huge extent, an advocate of the former position.

Granted, media, from a practical viewpoint, play a vital role in every individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
First
and foremost media is the most attractive option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to pastime. As a classification, I would contend that thanks to high-tech technology which is
Consider using a past participle here: "entailed".
entail
of smart phone, laptop
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be access a vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
ranging from social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
to websites which give them a great chance not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can you link with a huge amount of information which
is related
to global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
even in faraway countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
you can be
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
with numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and express your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as well
.
Further
and most
importantly
, there is another thing which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
through our mind in
first
glance, is about long-distance relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in other nations with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture and norms.
Thus
, it either
positively
or
negatively
affect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
, the salient example is Instagram,
directly
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind and it triggers cultural assimilation in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of cases. As we can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to follow the global trend in a variety of subject such as clothing, music, business and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

On the other hand
,
nevertheless
,
Consider using "most politician" or "most of the politician".
most of politician
have several effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by decisions that they take on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of situation.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
set regulation on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
is limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
freedom in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of actions. Another exquisite point is about economic forces they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by setting the price on products and job opportunities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
there is no doubt that we never can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the impacts of politician from our life.

All things considered, although states have a crucial role on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, I
wholeheartedly
reaffirm that has the most influence on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages,
particularly
in terms of information sources and social contact.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Recent research has shown that media like the Internet and TV have a greater influence over people’s lives than politicians. Which do you consider to be the greater influence? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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