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The government should make more efforts to promote alternative sources of energy. v.1

The government should make more efforts to promote alternative sources of energy. v. 1
The global requirement for energy is on increase at very high speed due to increase in demand, mainly from fast-growing economies such as China and India. So, it is vitally important that government around the world explore and invest in alternative sources of energy. The need for alternative renewable energy stems from increasing global warming due to the usage of gasoline, the current energy source is not sustainable for the long term and alternative energies may become cheaper or at least close to the cost of gasoline used today. The main reason for the alarming rise in global warming is the usage of gasoline for vehicles and factories. As we are aware the impact of global warming is numerous. Such instances of melting of ice-mountains in the North polls, rising of sea level, more floods in some countries while droughts in the other part of the world and so on. So, it is crucial that states spend money on developing biofuels which are environmentally friendly and they are renewable. The next factor in is the depletion of natural resources. Today, gasoline is available only in few countries around the world. The extraction of petrol from the earth increases every year because of the rise in global demand. For sure, this natural resource will not be available forever. So, it is a must that countries with high technology develop various sources of energy in order not to run out of petrol in few decades. There are some initiatives from many countries in this direction; for instance, development of solar energy. This source of energy has become much affordable today than 10 years back. Hence it is important to develop this energy source so that many ordinary people will be able to afford to pay. The last important reason for the requirement for various sources of power is increased is the cost of petrol because of higher demand and reduction in the level of natural deposit underneath at the earth. When the countries around the world spend sufficient funds in developing technical know-how of bio and solar energies and also provide farmers with subsidies, the prices of these alternative sources of energies may become cheaper or close to the cost of petrol. This will encourage public to switch to utilise other sources of energies. In conclusion, it is imperative that countries around the world invest sufficient fund in developing different sources of energies as the current source of energy increases the global warming and it is not sustainable for a long time and also this energy will become very expensive in near future.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
requirement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high speed due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in demand,
mainly
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing economies such as China and India.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
explore and invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. The need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
stems from increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
due to the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gasoline
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
is not sustainable for the long term and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
cheaper or at least close to the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gasoline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

The main reason for the alarming rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
is the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gasoline
for vehicles and factories.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we are aware the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
is numerous. Such instances of melting of ice-mountains in the North polls, rising of sea level, more floods in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
while droughts in the other part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is crucial that states spend money on developing biofuels which are
environmentally
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friendly and
they are renewable.

The
next
factor in is the depletion of natural resources.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gasoline
is available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The extraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
from the earth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
every year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
demand. For sure, this natural resource will not be available forever.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with high technology develop various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in order not to run out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
in few decades. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
initiatives from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in this direction;
for instance
, development of solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
much affordable
Use "(today)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
today
than 10 years back.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to develop this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be able to afford to pay.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason for the requirement for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of power
is increased
is the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of higher demand and reduction in the level of natural deposit underneath at the earth. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
spend sufficient funds in developing technical know-how of bio and solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
and
also
provide farmers with subsidies, the prices of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
cheaper or close to the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
petrol
. This will encourage public to switch to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of energies.

In conclusion
, it is imperative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
invest sufficient fund in developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
and it is not sustainable for a long time and
also
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive in near future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
69Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should make more efforts to promote alternative sources of energy. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
431 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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