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The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. v. 1
There is little room for doubt that there has been a staggering growth in the proportion of elderly people in many countries. In my opinion, I believe that this trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to society as a whole. On one hand, it is inevitable that the remarkable increase in life expectancy has some negative consequences for some reasons. Firstly, the aging population can impose a heavy pressure on the economy and the health care system as the more people retire, the heavier the pension burden the state has to carry. Hospitals will be flooded with frail and infirm elderly citizens searching for medical treatments while the labor force also suffers due to the shortage of productive workers who often make the biggest contribution to society. Secondly, more old people would pose a burden to families as parents would have to take care of older family members, and no doubt aged citizens tend to be meddlesome and stubborn, causing frequent conflicts probably. On the positive side, the benefits of this development should not be underestimated. First, they are able to contribute to some sectors such as teaching, management, scientific research and politics thanks to their extensive experience. We often see top executives in their 50s doing consultation sessions and help companies function more efficiently, or old teachers coaching students for contests because of their vast knowledge and hands-on experience. Second, as most people in modern times are busy with tasks in the workplace, elderly members like grandparents can do the babysitting, relieving parents’ worries of their children lacking in moral support or leisure activities. In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, it seems to me that an aging population has both merits and drawbacks on society, largely depending on how we react to it.
There is
little
room for doubt that there has been a staggering growth in the proportion of elderly
people
in
many
countries. In my opinion, I believe that this trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to society as a whole.

On one hand, it is inevitable that the remarkable increase in life expectancy has
some
negative
consequences for
some
reasons.
Firstly
, the aging population can impose a heavy pressure on the economy and the health care system as the more
people
retire, the heavier the pension burden the state
has to
carry. Hospitals will
be flooded
with frail and infirm elderly citizens searching for medical treatments while the labor force
also
suffers due to the shortage of productive workers who
often
make
the biggest contribution to society.
Secondly
, more
old
people
would pose a burden to families as parents would
have to
take care of older family members, and no doubt aged citizens tend to be meddlesome and stubborn, causing frequent conflicts
probably
.

On the
positive
side, the benefits of this development should not
be underestimated
.
First
, they are able to contribute to
some
sectors such as teaching, management, scientific research and politics thanks to their extensive experience. We
often
see
top executives in their 50s doing consultation sessions and
help
companies
function more
efficiently
, or
old
teachers coaching students for contests
because
of their vast knowledge and hands-on experience. Second, as most
people
in modern times are busy with tasks in the workplace, elderly members like grandparents can do the babysitting, relieving parents’ worries of their children lacking in moral support or leisure activities.

In conclusion
, for the reasons I have mentioned above, it seems to me that an aging population has both merits and drawbacks on society,
largely
depending on how we react to it.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The aging population is good for business, the economy and society. Others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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