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People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. Discuss both views & give your own opinion v.2

People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. 2
There is no doubt that many people need to increase their life expectancy in addition to stay with family, pursuit happiness or even make money. To some people, however, having long live would make multitude deleterious problems to individuals and society as well, while others consider this might be a chance to utilizing experience and knowledge from one’s hold life. In this essay, I will look at both side of the argument and give my opinion. Living longer is advocated by some because it means many intellectuals would have more time to convey and share their knowledge to new generation, as teenagers. Naturally, understanding somethings by trial and error probably waste time, but it would be much better off if people who passed the same situation before giving some advice. For instance, scientists can reference from conclusions or lab reports from former scientists to invent the new theory. Moreover, older people in each family is the person who suitable for take care children at home, while their parents have to work at office. Lastly, firms would prefer to hold sophisticated worker to hire a new man and cost in training programs. On the other hand, government have to provide compensation to senior citizen, if the number of old people increases. As a result, tax is definitely leveled up and influence to young workforces’ salary. In other words, taxpayers probably pay double from traditional tax. Also, price of food or transportation can be risen. Furthermore, social in the future would deal with lacking of land for agricultural due to allocating areas by government constructing homes for the elderlies. The competitive lifestyle also influences human’s morals and less safety in daily life. In conclusion, there are strong arguments for each side, but as far as I am concerned, elderly people are ignored by youths instead look after and understand to finding benefit from them, then world innovation and happiness could be further improved.
There is no doubt that
many
people
need to increase their life expectancy
in addition
to stay with family, pursuit happiness or even
make
money. To
some
people
,
however
, having long
live
would
make
multitude deleterious problems to individuals and society
as well
, while others consider this might be a chance to utilizing experience and knowledge from one’s hold life. In this essay, I will look at both side of the argument and give my opinion.

Living longer
is advocated
by
some
because
it means
many
intellectuals would have more time to convey and share their knowledge to new generation, as
teenagers
.
Naturally
, understanding somethings by trial and error
probably
waste time,
but
it would be much better off if
people
who passed the same situation
before
giving
some
advice.
For instance
, scientists can reference from conclusions or lab reports from former scientists to invent the new theory.
Moreover
, older
people
in each family is the person who suitable for take care children at home, while their parents
have to
work at office.
Lastly
, firms would prefer to hold sophisticated worker to hire a new
man
and cost in training programs.

On the other hand
,
government
have to
provide compensation to senior citizen, if the number of
old
people
increases.
As a result
, tax is definitely leveled up and influence to young
workforces
’ salary.
In other words
, taxpayers
probably
pay double from traditional tax.
Also
, price of food or transportation can
be risen
.
Furthermore
, social in the future would deal with lacking of land for agricultural due to allocating areas by
government
constructing homes for the
elderlies
. The competitive lifestyle
also
influences
human’s morals
and less safety in daily life.

In conclusion
, there are strong arguments for each side,
but
as far as I
am concerned
, elderly
people
are
ignored
by youths
instead
look after and understand to finding benefit from them, then world innovation and happiness could be
further
improved
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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