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People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. Discuss both views & give your own opinion v.1

People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. 1
There has never been more rich people on the earth than it is today. There is a common thought that the important thing about rich is the opportunity to help others. In this essay, I will give you my opinion on this matter and why I agree with this thought. Most people want to help others in need, and everyone can do it to a certain degree. Furthermore, a recent survey from the UK shows that the British population donates around 2% of their earnings to charity organizations. However, if we had more money and resources, we could have a greater impact. Therefore, being rich opens this possibility, as well as it doesn’t affect our living conditions in the same way, allowing us to not suffer from helping others. For example, Bill Gates is one of the richest people in the world, and his contributions to charity alone are more than some countries donations combined. Everyone has experienced the hopeless feeling of not being able to help close family or friends with their economic situation, for instance because of high student loans or medical conditions. However, if we had more money, we would have the opportunity to help them and give them a better life. Although, this is not always the case for everyone. Some rich people use their money on materialistic goods and only on themselves. In conclusion, I believe that the most important thing about being rich is that it gives the opportunity to help friends, family and others in need, however I believe some people have more egoistic priorities and intentions with their wealth.
There has never been more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the earth than it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. There is a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others. In this essay, I will give you my opinion on this matter and why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others in need, and everyone can do it to a certain degree.
Furthermore
, a recent survey from the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the British population donates around 2% of their earnings to charity organizations.
However
, if we had more money and resources, we could have a greater impact.
Therefore
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
opens this possibility,
as well
as it doesn’t affect our living conditions
in the same way
, allowing us to not suffer from helping others.
For example
, Bill Gates is one of the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world, and his contributions to charity alone are more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries donations combined.

Everyone has experienced the hopeless feeling of not being able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
close family or friends with their economic situation,
for instance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high student loans or medical conditions.
However
, if we had more money, we would have the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them and give them a better life. Although, this is not always the case for everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their money on materialistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on themselves.

In conclusion
, I believe that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is that it gives the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
friends, family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
in need,
however
I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more egoistic priorities and intentions with their wealth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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