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Television news contain more bad news nowadays. Some people say it is a negative development. Do you agree? v.1

Television news contain more bad news nowadays. Some people say it is a negative development. Do you agree? v. 1
Television news is obviously one of the most sought-after ways to obtain information. It can be observed that most news bulletins contain undesirable news regarding natural disasters, accidents and criminal activities. Anyway, I completely agree with the statement that news should have variety. By watching TV news people hope to get information about every sphere of human activity and nature. That is why people subscribe to more than one channel of news. So that they get themselves enlightened about the current happenings. If a particular news item disseminates an optimistic view, it may have a positive impact on people. For instance, concerted efforts put by China to suppress the Corona pandemic may be an eye opener for the rest of the world. However, undesirable news, whatever the nature of it, should not be restricted indiscriminately. Because the right to know is considered to be a universal human right. Furthermore, detrimental effects to the society at large can be minimized when people get to know about any harmful development taking place either locally or internationally. Prevailing famine in a country is an example of such bad news for which precautionary measures can be taken if it is reported before it affects other regions. In conclusion, though most television news contains negative aspects of the world, such news too plays a significant role to keep the general public informed. Hence, it is of paramount importance to ensure freedom of media.
Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is
obviously
one of the most sought-after ways to obtain information. It can
be observed
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
bulletins contain undesirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
regarding natural disasters, accidents and criminal activities. Anyway, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should have variety.

By watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about every sphere of human activity and nature.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
subscribe to more than one channel of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves enlightened about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
happenings. If a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
item disseminates an optimistic view, it may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, concerted efforts put by China to suppress the Corona pandemic may be an
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
eye opener
for the rest of the world.

However
, undesirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, whatever the nature of it, should not
be restricted
indiscriminately
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the right to know
is considered
to be a universal human right.
Furthermore
, detrimental effects to the society at large can
be minimized
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about any harmful development taking place either
locally
or
internationally
. Prevailing famine in a country is an example of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
for which precautionary measures can
be taken
if it
is reported
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it affects other regions.

In conclusion
, though most television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of the world, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
too plays a significant role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
Consider using "public".
general public
informed.
Hence
, it is of paramount importance to ensure freedom of media.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Television news contain more bad news nowadays. Some people say it is a negative development. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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