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Women will play an increasingly important role at workplace in future. But this may disturb their family lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Women will play an increasingly important role at workplace in future. But this may disturb their family lives. v. 1
Work places are now being made more and more employee friendly with lavish recreational areas and flexible working hours. Women do play an important role in offices and their importance is increasing by the day. Some people opine that this may cause imbalance in their family lives, but I do not agree to this fact. With the rise in activists that vouch for gender equality and the laws that support it, most institutions hire more women to fill job positions. This not only breaks the glass ceiling that used to haunt successful women, but also gives them huge self-confidence to explore new opportunities and live out their dreams. Different industries are trying to create formidable working environments for the employees, to improve their sense of belonging to their working place. This in turn makes employees more dedicated to their work and produce better business outcomes. For example, the information technology industry has made it easier for employees to work by introducing facilities to work from home, hence improving their work life balance. This ensures that work life does not get in the way of their family lives. Some disparage opine that work life disrupts family life for women as they grow up the ladder in their work places. They argue that women are solely responsible to take care of their family. But, that need not be true when both the female along with the male counterpart, adjusts and acts responsibly to take care of their family. Both partners can take various roles within the family to manage daily chores and responsibilities that come along with children. In conclusion, contrary to some detractors, I do not agree to the statement that women’s family life get disturbed as they grow up the ladder in the workplace. With the correct mindset and the opportunities organisations provide, women just as their male counterpart, can manage their families' lives even when their dependency in workplace increases.
Work
places are
now
being made
more and more
employee
friendly with lavish recreational areas and flexible working hours.
Women
do play an
important
role in offices and their importance is increasing by the day.
Some
people
opine that this may cause imbalance in their
family
lives
,
but
I do not
agree
to this fact.

With the rise in activists that vouch for gender equality and the laws that support it, most institutions hire more
women
to fill job positions. This not
only
breaks the glass ceiling that
used
to haunt successful
women
,
but
also
gives them huge self-confidence to explore new opportunities and
live
out their dreams.
Different
industries are trying to create formidable working environments for the
employees
, to
improve
their sense of belonging to their working place. This in turn
makes
employees
more dedicated to their
work
and produce better business outcomes.
For example
, the information technology industry has made it easier for
employees
to
work
by introducing facilities to
work
from home,
hence
improving their
work
life
balance. This ensures that
work
life
does not
get
in the way of their
family
lives
.

Some
disparage opine that
work
life
disrupts
family
life
for
women
as they grow up the ladder in their
work
places. They argue that
women
are
solely
responsible to take care of their
family
.
But
, that need not be true when both the female along with the male counterpart, adjusts and acts
responsibly
to take care of their
family
. Both partners can take various roles within the
family
to manage daily chores and responsibilities that
come
along with children.

In conclusion
, contrary to
some
detractors, I do not
agree
to the statement that
women’s
family
life
get
disturbed as they grow up the ladder in the workplace. With the correct mindset and the opportunities
organisations
provide,
women
just
as their male counterpart, can manage their families'
lives
even when their dependency in workplace increases.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Women will play an increasingly important role at workplace in future. But this may disturb their family lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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