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Completing University education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.22

Completing University education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think developing soft skills is more important. v. 22
Presently, it is debatable by some people that completion of university studies is greatest way of securing nice jobs where as some people believe that early exposure and skill acquisition is more vital. Personally, I am in favour of the former view because it provides opportunity for better jobs and higher salaries. To begin with, education is known to be paramount to success. Owning to the fact that most successful people or managers of big companies are highly educated. Education provides one the chance of getting a nice job. To illustrate, for one to be promoted at his place of work, there are certain qualifications required of him which can not be attained without education. Furthermore, completing University studies makes room for one to get a high paid job. To survive in a hard economy, it is necessary to earn enough salary to meet ones needs. It is evident that some people earn higher income than others at work, this is due to the educational background which sometimes determines pay. Additionally, education also increases knowledge and skills implored in critical thinking. Therefore, attaining a college degree is a necessity. However, skill development and experience has some benefits that should not be overlooked such as years of doing a particular job can make one an expertise in that job. In addition, some employers demand for people with more years of experience and a specific skill over those with higher education. For instance, I have once been denied a job because I lack years of experience and the required skill for the advertised position notwithstanding all my educational certificates. Despite all these, the merits are still limited as compared to education. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is more beneficial to finish higher institution as this provides greater job opportunity and an expensive pay at the end of each month.
Presently
, it is debatable by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that completion of university studies is
Please check whether an article is missing: "the greatest".
greatest
way of securing nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that early exposure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
acquisition is more vital.
Personally
, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the former view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides opportunity for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and higher salaries.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is known
to be paramount to success. Owning to the fact that most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or managers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
highly
educated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
provides one the chance of getting a nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To illustrate, for one to
be promoted
at his place of work, there are certain qualifications required of him which can not
be attained
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Furthermore
, completing University studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
room for one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To survive in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
economy, it is necessary to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
ones needs. It is evident that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn higher income than others at work, this is due to the educational background which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
determines pay.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
increases knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
implored in critical thinking.
Therefore
, attaining a college degree is a necessity.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
development and experience has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits that should not
be overlooked
such as years of doing a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
one an expertise in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with more years of experience and a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
over those with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, I have once
been denied
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I lack years of experience and the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
for the advertised position notwithstanding all my educational certificates. Despite all these, the merits are
still
limited as compared to education.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that it is more beneficial to finish higher institution as this provides greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity and an expensive pay at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of each month.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Completing University education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think developing soft skills is more important. v. 22

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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