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Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion. v.6

Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion. v. 6
In our society, there are people who think some prisoners should be allowed to perform community work without getting paid rather than keeping them behind the bars. In my opinion, this is a correct approach as our efforts should be in improving the community by teaching moral lessons to the offenders and not by implementing the brutal laws practiced in the past which excluded them from the society. Firstly, lets discuss the criminal activity trend in the recent years. There has been daily reporting of heinous crimes such as rape, murder, theft, etc in the news inspite of all the stringent criminal laws in effect. In addition, various countries have made amendments in the laws to make it much stricter, however, the incidents are still rising. For example, in India separate law was created to punish rapists with death sentence but there is still surge in rape cases. Hence, this proves that these laws cannot solve this issue on a permanent basis. Secondly, lets discuss the role of NGO's in resolving this crisis currently prevailing in the world. Many jail authorities in India have agreed in allowing prisoners to do community work after request from the NGO's. For instance, Crime Help is on of the non profit organization who has involved criminals in their tailoring work and they have been quite successful in it as the offenders have accepted their mistake and now look to overcome this guilt by concentrating on their future. The work given to them helps in improving skills and when they complete their durartion of stay behind the bars, it will be easy for them to survive as they can find a good job. In conclusion, i feel there is a strong need to increase these community work as this could help wrongdoers in understanding the mistakes and overcoming them by getting involved is some work which could help the society. Also, the core reasons behind increase in crime activities should be investigated and necessary steps to finish them should be taken by the administration.
In our society, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prisoners should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without getting paid
rather
than keeping them behind the bars. In my opinion, this is a correct approach as our efforts should be in improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
by teaching moral lessons to the offenders and not by implementing the brutal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
practiced in the past which excluded them from the society.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
discuss the criminal activity trend in the recent years. There has been daily reporting of heinous crimes such as rape, murder, theft, etc in the news
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of all the stringent criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
in effect.
In addition
, various countries have made amendments in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it much stricter,
however
, the incidents are
still
rising.
For example
, in India separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
was created
to punish rapists with death sentence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is
still
surge in rape cases.
Hence
, this proves that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
cannot solve this issue on a permanent basis.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
discuss the role of NGO's in resolving this crisis
currently
prevailing in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
jail authorities in India have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
in allowing prisoners to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after request from the NGO's.
For instance
, Crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Help
is on of the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
non profit
organization who has involved criminals in their tailoring
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they have been quite successful in it as the offenders have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
their mistake and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
look to overcome this guilt by concentrating on their future. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in improving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and when they complete their
Possible spelling mistake found.
durartion
of stay behind the bars, it will be easy for them to survive as they can find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.

In conclusion
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
feel there is a strong need to increase these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as this could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
wrongdoers in understanding the mistakes and overcoming them by getting involved is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the society.
Also
, the core reasons behind increase in crime activities should
be investigated
and necessary steps to finish them should
be taken
by the administration.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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