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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family members we just watch television. v.5

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family members we just watch television. v. 5
It is certainly true that we prefer to watch television rather than getting along with our family or meeting people. Though I agree that it is not a positive impact, I believe it does not completely ruin any one's family life or society. On the one hand, the idiot box is considered to be a dangerous tool which has a significant impact on both individuals and society. With regard to individuals, they get addicted to the programs telecasted and give low priority to the members of their family. Most Indian ladies who regularly watch mega serials have proven to have poor bonding with their family. At the same time, unknowingly it consumes more time than we expect. Consequently, we realise that we could have spent quality time with family or friends only at the later stage. Since everyone becomes a couch potato, there is less interaction with the neighbours and thus resulting in a community which is not really socially interactive. On the other hand, television is not the only cause for problems in family and community. It is a well-known fact that internet access and other electronic gadgets like mobile phones, computers and laptops contribute to a great extent. Therefore, there becomes less necessity for people to communicate directly with the advent of group chats, video calls, free messaging and instant reply. Moreover, hectic work schedule drives more people towards entertainment to unwind themselves and re-energize for the next day. This does not cause any disturbance in a family if its usage is kept under the limit and all other relationships are prioritised. In fact, many programs like 'family no 1 ' are being broadcast to insist the family values and mutual understanding. This is not all there are several events of social concern being exposed to public to create awareness. Thus television cannot be blamed entirely as it has its own benefits. To conclude, the entertainment motto of television is appealed more and it is common to devote time for relaxation. This is not all our working hours have changed these days and by that time  we would not have any one's company other than television. In my opinion, it would no way affect the relationship and socialisation if it is properly used in proper time.
It is
certainly
true that we prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
rather
than getting along with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or meeting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Though I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact, I believe it does not completely ruin
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life or society.

On the one hand, the idiot box
is considered
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
tool which has a significant impact on both individuals and society. With regard to individuals, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to the programs
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
and give low priority to the members of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Most Indian ladies who
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
mega serials have proven to have poor bonding with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
unknowingly
it consumes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
.
Consequently
, we
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that we could have spent quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at the later stage. Since everyone becomes a couch potato, there is less interaction with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and
thus
resulting in a community which is not
really
socially
interactive.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause for problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and community.
It is a well-known fact that
internet access and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
electronic gadgets like mobile phones, computers and laptops contribute to a great extent.
Therefore
, there becomes less necessity for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to communicate
directly
with the advent of group chats, video calls, free messaging and instant reply.
Moreover
, hectic work schedule drives more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards entertainment to unwind themselves and re-energize for the
next
day. This does not cause any disturbance in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
if its usage is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under the limit and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
relationships are
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
programs like 'family no 1
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
are being broadcast to insist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
values and mutual understanding. This is not all there are several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of social concern
being exposed
Did you mean "too public to"?
to public to
create awareness.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
cannot
be blamed
entirely
as it has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.

To conclude
, the entertainment motto of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is appealed
more and it is common to devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxation. This is not all our working hours have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
these days and by that time
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
we would not have
Did you mean "anyone"?
any one
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. In my opinion, it would no way affect the relationship and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
if it is
properly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family members we just watch television. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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