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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and i v.2

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. with this opinion? 2
Mumbai is the city of dreams. People in Mumbai live a busy life. There are many businesses in this city. Many companies have their corporate office as the city has skilled labour. A majority of people speak many languages. People from different countries and states have migrated to this beautiful city. This has lead to many merits as well as demerits. Firstly, Many people relocates to Mumbai in search of employment. There are many large Multi National Companies who have their corporate offices in this city. Working for these companies is like a dream come true for some. In addition, The compensation offered is competitive as the cost of living is high. People do not mind spending their income as there are numerous activities to experience. As a result, there is overcrowding in the city which leads to many hazards in the city. People in the city live a life of hardships. There is an imbalance in the number of job vacancies available compared to the people searching for work. Due to which, there has been an increase in the number of crime rates. As per the Times Network newspaper, the unemployment rate in 2016 was 6%, which has increased to 9% in 2019. Unemployment is the main source of crime in the city. Moreover, living in the city with such a high risk is a matter of concern. Overcrowding in the city is increasing every year. These matters have been addressed by the Chief Minister of Maharashtra who suggested that employment needs to improve. There will be an increase in the number of jobs which can help the residence and reduce the crime rates in the city. In conclusion, Mumbai is surely the most amazing city to live in but, there are pros and cons to it. Living in such an expensive city is not easy and facing crime related issues on a daily basis makes life miserable. The government raising a concern for this subject should help the city improve its status in the future.
Mumbai is the city of dreams.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in Mumbai
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a busy life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businesses in this city.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have their corporate office as the city has skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. A majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
speak
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
languages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and states have migrated to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
city. This has lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits
as well
as demerits.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
relocates
to Mumbai in search of employment. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large Multi National
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
who have their corporate offices in this city. Working for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is like a dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.
In addition
, The compensation offered is competitive as the cost of living is high.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not mind spending their income as there are numerous activities to experience.
As a result
, there is overcrowding in the city which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hazards in the city.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life of hardships. There is an imbalance in the number of job vacancies available compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
searching for work. Due to which, there has been an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates. As per the Times Network newspaper, the unemployment rate in 2016 was 6%, which has increased to 9% in 2019. Unemployment is the main source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the city.
Moreover
, living in the city with such a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
is a matter of concern.

Overcrowding in the city is increasing every year. These matters have
been addressed
by the Chief Minister of Maharashtra who suggested that employment needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. There will be an increase in the number of jobs which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the residence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates in the city.

In conclusion
, Mumbai is
surely
the most amazing city to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, there are pros and cons to it. Living in such an expensive city is not easy and facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
related issues on a daily basis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
life miserable. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
raising a concern for this subject should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
its status in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. with this opinion? 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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