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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. v.6

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. v. 6
It is certainly true that television has become a basic tool to damage family’s time and communication in society. In addition, while television is extremely useful for leisure time, I do agree with the idea that they already damaged ways of connection between people. Everything in life has its benefits and its drawbacks, but for television, I think that its drawbacks are away more than its benefits. Nowadays, television’s first and foremost job is separation, all kind of separation. It damages connection between families, for instance, the family now gather for mainly two reasons; first one is for eating while watching television and the second one is to sit down together watching a movie as a family time. Both ways lack any conversation and family speech of any kind. Whenever, the television is present the talk is absent, friends talking to each other through watching matches instead of meeting at anyone’s house. Physical and sociological health have been affected by television. Television has destroyed the health of kids since they are no longer making any physical activities that help their own health and build up their own mind. Thoughts and ethics are now different than they had before, that’s because children learn everything from their favourite movie or series or both. From this side, television began to replace some of the parent’s work, like teaching their children right concepts, learn how to communicate with people outside and other social skills. To conclude, television has been invented so people can find something to do or watch better than sitting alone, alternatively, television just give people distance from their society, friends and relatives. Television now breaks up and separate a part family, however, one of the main goals for television invention is to build up stronger relationships between people not only in one country but also all over the world and to exchange cultures.
It is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has become a basic tool to damage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
time and communication in society.
In addition
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
extremely
useful for leisure time, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that they already damaged ways of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Everything in life has its benefits and its drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that its drawbacks are away more than its benefits. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television’s
first
and foremost job is separation, all kind of separation. It damages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
for instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
gather for
mainly
two reasons;
first
one is for eating while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and the second one is to sit down together watching a movie as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time. Both ways lack any conversation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
speech of any kind.

Whenever, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is present the talk is absent, friends talking to each other through watching matches
instead
of meeting at anyone’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Physical and sociological health have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the health of kids since they are no longer making any physical activities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health and build up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mind. Thoughts and ethics are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, that’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children learn everything from their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
movie or series or both. From this side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
began to replace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the parent’s work, like teaching their children right concepts, learn how to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
outside and other social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
been invented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can find something to do or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
better than sitting alone,
alternatively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
distance from their society, friends and relatives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
breaks up and separate a part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
however
, one of the main goals for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
invention is to build up stronger relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in one country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
all over the world and to exchange cultures.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we just watch television. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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