Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in the study to be motivated to learn? v.2

Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in the study to be motivated to learn? v. 2
Education is highly essential these days. Parents give their best effort to make sure that their children get the highest quality of education. However, some challenges come up in pursuit this goal. One of these biggest problems is the less of students’ awareness and attentiveness in learning. Students in many cases usually take part in education by force from parents and society. In other words, students are unaware of the learning process that they have been doing. It is believed, they just want to make people around them proud or pleased. In fact, they pretend to like and enjoy these learning activities even though they do not like that much to study. Meanwhile, the improvement of education system serves several kinds of solutions. Particularly varying methods that are used in school or classroom can inspire kids to pay attention and enjoy their lessons. Education stockholders use different styles of teaching to combine with students’ preference. Indeed, children should feel enthusiastic and keep learning continually. In addition, the next way out of this matter is children need a role model to show the real benefits of education. It is thought that children will figure out based on the example that to become a successful person; that means they have to study hard and vice versa.   Moreover, the environment of children where they grow up also have a big influence. It means that the place where children are living can improve what they are doing. Learning should be fun, at least to the children. The computer based and games based education systems that are adopted in many modern schools could be an effective way to engage the student in enjoying the learning. Learning through experience, fund and sports are the best ways to attract kids to study more. Parents and teachers have to handle the whole learning process delicately to make the students enjoy the reading. Finally, children’s psychology can vary based on their inherent characteristics, family and economic conditions of their parents and that’s why teachers should pay special attentions to each student and act accordingly to grab their attentions and focus on study. In brief, being motivated students could reach closer to their dream. Many ways can lead to better education. A varying and suitable technique, portraying role model and getting support from the environment are pathways to be friendly with the study.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is
highly
Did you mean "essentially"?
essential
these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
give their best effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the highest quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up in pursuit this goal. One of these biggest problems is
The phrase 'the less of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the less of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
awareness and attentiveness in learning.

Students in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by force from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and society.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unaware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process that they have been doing. It
is believed
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them proud or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
. In fact, they pretend to like and enjoy these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
activities
even though
they do not like that much to study.

Meanwhile, the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system serves several kinds of solutions.
Particularly
varying methods that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in school or classroom can inspire kids to pay attention and enjoy their lessons.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
stockholders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
styles of teaching
Did you mean "combining"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'teach' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to combine
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
preference.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should feel enthusiastic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
continually
.

In addition
, the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
out of this matter is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need a role model to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the real benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will figure out based on the example that to become a successful person; that means they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and vice versa.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Moreover
, the environment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
where they grow up
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence. It means that the place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are living can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
what they are doing.

Learning should be fun, at least to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The computer based and games based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
systems that
are adopted
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern schools could be an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to engage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in enjoying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
through experience, fund and sports are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to attract kids to study more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
and teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
handle the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process
delicately
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enjoy the reading.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
psychology can vary based on their inherent characteristics, family and economic conditions of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and that’s why teachers should pay special attentions to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and act
accordingly
to grab their attentions and focus on study.

In brief
,
being motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could reach closer to their dream.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
can lead to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. A varying and suitable technique, portraying role model and getting support from the environment are pathways to be friendly with the study.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Education is very important. How can children who are disinterested in the study to be motivated to learn? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
394 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts