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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community instead of visiting people or talking with our family we jus watch television To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion v.3

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community instead of visiting people or talking with our family we jus watch television with this opinion v. 3
It is no doubt that a person wants to become famous, and he or she uses many social media to be famous in their community. In this way personality is more renowned for their glamour as well as money rather than for their approaches. It also many impacts to young people. I agree with the given statement. The upcoming paragraphs will examine the why celebrities are more famous. To begin with, personalities are more well know than for their achievements. First and foremost step is that, as we know very well, technology is making life easier, faster as well as convenient. In all over the world of people are using many social media for becoming a rich man. Sometimes, their dreams are ruined to the technology, then they spend more and more money to be become in the community. Apart from this, lazy and obese. To illustrate, some individuals want to become well known without any hard work. They give money to industry for becoming famous. These are the major reasons. Probing further, there are lots of influence on children due to this phenomenon. The first impact on children, for we know that children are future for the country. If celebrities motivate to children, and children enjoy their personal life. They will not only become independent, but also very difficult to opt their career in the following years. To conclude, I would say that every coin has two facets. In this way personalities have both impacts as well as benefits, and I think there are more effective on youngsters. Celebrities ought to be more responsible and enjoyed the achievements.
It is no doubt that a person wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, and he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social media to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in their community. In this way personality is more renowned for their glamour as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as money
rather
than for their approaches. It
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
impacts to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. The upcoming paragraphs will examine
Did you mean "why"?
the why
celebrities are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, personalities are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
know than for their achievements.
First
and foremost step is that, as we know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
, technology is making life easier, faster as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as convenient. In all over the world of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social media for becoming a rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, their dreams
are ruined
to the technology, then they spend more and more money to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
in the community. Apart from this, lazy and obese. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. They give money to industry for becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. These are the major reasons.

Probing
further
, there are lots of influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to this phenomenon. The
first
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, for we know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are future for the country. If celebrities motivate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy their personal life. They will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
independent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to opt their career in the following years.

To conclude
, I would say that every coin has two facets. In this way personalities have both impacts as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as benefits, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are more effective on youngsters. Celebrities ought to be more responsible and enjoyed the achievements.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community instead of visiting people or talking with our family we jus watch television with this opinion v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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