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Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we jus watch television. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.4

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we jus watch television. with this opinion? v. 4
Modern lifestyles usually involve squandering our valuable time in front of a TV screen. As televisions turn into a part of our daily life, some individuals consider this tendency to be perilous due to its negative effect on family relationships and community. I strongly agree with this view as this essay will explain it with examples. Although some TV shows such as documentaries can be beneficial for the individual, most channels only concentrate on hypnotizing their viewers and keeping them on their couches as long as possible. For example, advertisements usually interfere with the most exciting part of the program and does not let the observer move from his place until the show is back on. As a result, this does not only keep the spectators in front of the TV, but also damages family bonds severely. As family members are mesmerized by the images on TV, they do not even remember to share their professional or personal problems. Another issue with watching television channels is that it leaves only a tiny amount of time to be spent on both community and relatives. Furthermore, a television addict, who is usually hypnotized with unrealistic images of people, spends a considerable amount of his time watching a colour screen. Thus, the TV gives the observer a false sense of community. More than that, a person who has forgotten what it really feels like to be in a real community and around friends and relatives starts considering the TV as it has always been the same. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree that TV addiction can be harmful to every community, thus, the amount of time spent by an individual has to be regulated by governments.
Modern lifestyles
usually
involve squandering our valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of a TV screen. As televisions turn into a part of our daily life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals consider this tendency to be perilous due to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on family relationships and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view as this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it with examples.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
such as documentaries can be beneficial for the individual, most channels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrate on hypnotizing their viewers and keeping them on their couches as long as possible.
For example
, advertisements
usually
interfere with the most exciting part of the program and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the observer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from his place until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
is back on.
As a result
, this does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the spectators in front of the TV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
damages family bonds
severely
. As family members
are mesmerized
by the images on TV, they do not even remember to share their professional or personal problems.

Another issue with watching television channels is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a tiny amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
be spent
on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and relatives.
Furthermore
, a television addict, who is
usually
hypnotized with unrealistic images of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, spends a considerable amount of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching a
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
screen.
Thus
, the TV gives the observer a false sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. More than that, a person who has forgotten what it
really
feels like to be in a real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and around friends and relatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
considering the TV as it has always been the same.

In conclusion
, I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that TV addiction can be harmful to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
,
thus
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent by an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be regulated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family we jus watch television. with this opinion? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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