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Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more disadvantages than advantages? v.5

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more disadvantages than advantages? v. 5
History is a subject that is present in most school systems and is compulsory at many levels of education. Regarding this matter, debate has been heated about the importance of teaching of local history, instead of world history to school children. In my point of view, the focus of this subject should be placed on the local history rather than the history of the world. Firstly, local history provides a foundation for the youth to explore their own identity and that of their nation. For example, Vietnamese school children should be educated about the Great Hunger occurred in 1945 during the war with the Japanese in order to fully appreciate the plight that their forefathers had experienced and therefore value the life of peace, freedom and independence today. I feel it is essential that the youth, the leaders of tomorrow, are given the broadest, most accurate platform on which they can construct their own perceptions of life. Opponents of this view claim that the world history should not be removed from the school programs as it is related to local history and students will have a better understanding of the subject. I am convinced that this view is flawed. In fact, much history teaching is concerned simply with memorising “facts” in the world that have little to do with their own countries and therefore students will feel overburdened if they are obligated to learn it. This, in the long run, would not benefit children. All things considered, for school children, the relevance of receiving knowledge about local history dwarfs that of learning world history.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is a subject
that is
present in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
systems and is compulsory at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
levels of education. Regarding this matter, debate has
been heated
about the importance of teaching of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children. In my point of view, the focus of this subject should
be placed
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the world.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
provides a foundation for the youth to explore their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
identity and that of their nation.
For example
, Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children should
be educated
about the Great Hunger occurred in 1945 during the war with the Japanese in order to
fully
appreciate the plight that their forefathers had experienced and
therefore
value the life of peace, freedom and independence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I feel it is essential that the youth, the leaders of tomorrow, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the broadest, most accurate platform on which they can construct their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perceptions of life.

Opponents of this view claim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should not
be removed
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs as it
is related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and students will have a better understanding of the subject. I
am convinced
that this view
is flawed
. In fact, much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
teaching
is concerned
simply
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorising' is British English.
memorising
“facts” in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to do with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries and
therefore
students will feel overburdened if they
are obligated
to learn it. This, in the long run, would not benefit children.

All things considered, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children, the relevance of receiving knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
dwarfs that of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more disadvantages than advantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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