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Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. v. 5
It is sometimes argued that people are being lacked the ability of interaction. While I agree with the statement about reducing the time of watching TV, it cannot deny that television can offer much more benefits. On the one hand, being addicted to television is the result of unconfidence in conversation. Firstly, the media cannot give people the chance to talk in practice since people only pay attention to watch TV and do not speak or doing other things. Therefore, the relationship in people has been destroyed. Secondly, spending much time on television instead of outdoor activities will not only lead to the break of exchange but also affect their life skills. Therefore, in some case, the drawbacks of media are much higher than the benefits. In my opinion, it also offers huge benefits for everyone. The first advantage is that it is the way to connect people with family or friends together. For example, on winter days, my family will not have to work or go out so we always decide to sit in the living room to talk about our work and life and watch television. As a result, these entertainment sources can ease to access. The second benefit is that there are varieties of programs for communicators, by attending to whatever competition or gameshow they will make acquaintance and have the chance to communicate with people even they are strange. For instance, one of my favorite program-Dad where are we going, a good program for children to experience the real life, make new friends and more confidence. Consequently, television also bring people closer, people can make it as an advantage to take a part in communities impacted by it. In conclusion, while there are some negative views about the impact of television, I do believe that the positive sides are dominated.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
being lacked
the ability of interaction. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement about reducing the time of watching TV, it cannot deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can offer much more benefits.

On the one hand,
being addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is the result of
Possible spelling mistake found.
unconfidence
in conversation.
Firstly
, the media cannot give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the chance to talk in practice since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV and do not speak or doing other things.
Therefore
, the relationship in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
Secondly
, spending much time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
instead
of outdoor activities will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to the break of exchange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affect their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case, the drawbacks of media are much higher than the benefits.

In my opinion, it
also
offers huge benefits for everyone. The
first
advantage is that it is the way to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with family or friends together.
For example
, on winter days, my family will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work or go out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we always decide to sit in the living room to talk about our work and life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
As a result
, these entertainment sources can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
to access. The second benefit is that there are varieties of programs for communicators, by attending to whatever competition or
Possible spelling mistake found.
gameshow
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
acquaintance and have the chance to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even they are strange.
For instance
, one of my favorite program-Dad where are we going, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
program for children to experience the real life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends and more confidence.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
also
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it as an advantage to take a part in communities impacted by it.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
views about the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, I do believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides
are dominated
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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