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Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. v.2

Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. v. 2
The invention of television is undoubtedly one of the humankind's greatest inventions. It is a way of communication among people of one country and different countries and nations. People watch TV to find out about the latest news, weather, sports, etc. It is a great way to learn new and extend one's range of interests. Scientists say that children spend the same amount of hours in front of TV as they do in school. I think that this can be said about many grown people too. Also, television is a great means of eliminating stress and tension. One can relax and leave one's troubles behind lying on one's favourite sofa and watching a comedy. However, some people believe that television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Personally, I do not agree with this statement. A couple centuries ago people spent their time gambling, reading, gossiping or playing chess. I do not think that television is a cause of destroyed communication among family members and friends. First of all, if members of a family have common interests and they want to make each other happy they will always find many ways to spend their time together and be close. Otherwise, if people avoid each other and they do not have anything to share with each other they will find television a great way to escape from this miserable existence. I believe that many people chose family and their friends over some soap operas or a movie. Second of all, I think that television can be a great resource of subjects to discuss. Many people watch different educational programs to find out more about their environment, nature, wildlife animals, economic situations, etc. So, when they gather with their friends they discuss important issues and argue with each other in looking for the truth. My husband and I often watch the news channel to keep abreast of the latest news. After that, we always discuss some issues we concerned about. Also, we like to watch a TV show "the funniest animals". We like this program because it makes us laugh. I cannot imagine how these programs can prevent our communication and be harmful to our relations. To conclude, I would like to add that if people want to communicate with each other they will find a way to do it. Otherwise, if television were not existent, people would find other escapes and reasons not to be with each other such as drugs, gambling, etc.
The invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
undoubtedly
one of the humankind's greatest inventions. It is a way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of one country and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and nations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out about the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, weather, sports, etc. It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
way to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and extend one's range of interests. Scientists say that children spend the same amount of hours in front of TV as they do in school. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this can
be said
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
too.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
means of eliminating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension. One can relax and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
one's troubles behind lying on one's
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sofa and watching a comedy.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and family.

Personally
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. A couple centuries ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent their time gambling, reading, gossiping or playing chess. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a cause of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
among family members and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if members of a family have common
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interests and
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
happy they will always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to spend their time together and be close.
Otherwise
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
other and
they do not have anything to share with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
way to escape from this miserable existence. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose family and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soap operas or a movie.

Second of all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
resource of subjects to discuss.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
educational programs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
out more about their environment, nature, wildlife animals, economic situations, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when they gather with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
they discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues and argue with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in looking for the truth.

My husband and I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
abreast of the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. After that, we always discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues we concerned about.
Also
, we like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
the funniest animals
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. We like this program
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us laugh. I cannot imagine how these programs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and be harmful to our relations.

To conclude
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a way to do it.
Otherwise
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
were not existent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
escapes and reasons not to be with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
such as drugs, gambling, etc.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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