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High school students are usually not good at managing money. What are the reasons? What are the solutions? v.2

High school students are usually not good at managing money. What are the reasons? What are the solutions? v. 2
A noticeable fact is that undergraduates do not master in utilizing the money nowadays. This problem is caused by some factors, and it should be dealt with some effective solutions. There are two primary reasons why students do not have the ability to manage money. One reason is that adolescents usually rebel and ignore parental advice. This is the age they often show to their parents that they are mature and have the responsibility for money. Another reason is the media encourages consumption by this age group. Juveniles are often lured by the endorsement of goods, this cause will directly affect the waste of money. Feasible solutions should be produced to tackle these aforementioned problems so that students will have a better attitude. The first measure would be parents should teach children from an early age to manage money. For example, parents should not give their offsprings too much money, their children have to think how to earn and save money. Additionally, governments must control advertising aimed at this group as teenagers are easily swayed by advertisements. In conclusion, there are some reasons why adolescents tend to waste money, and some measures could be taken to solve this problem.
A noticeable fact is that undergraduates do not master in utilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
nowadays. This problem
is caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors, and it should
be dealt
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective solutions.

There are two primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why students do not have the ability to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that adolescents
usually
rebel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
parental advice. This is the age they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to their parents that they are mature and have the responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the media encourages consumption by this age group. Juveniles are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lured by the endorsement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, this cause will
directly
affect the waste of money.

Feasible solutions should
be produced
to tackle these aforementioned problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students will have a better attitude. The
first
measure would be parents should teach children from an early age to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, parents should not give their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
how to earn and save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control advertising aimed at this group as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
easily
swayed by advertisements.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why adolescents tend to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures could
be taken
to solve this problem.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay High school students are usually not good at managing money. What are the reasons? What are the solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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