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The best way to increase employees' job satisfaction is to increase their salaries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The best way to increase employees' job satisfaction is to increase their salaries. v. 2
It is sometimes argued that a higher salary is the factor of job pleasure. While I agree with this point of view, I do not believe that this is the most effective way to make people to be engrossed in their job. On the one hand, there are two primary reasons why a sufficiently high salary is the most important factor in satisfying the employees. One reason is that money is the foundation of everyone’s lifestyle. For example, people always fancy buying the latest fashion, paying the bills and so on, so it is used as the motivation to the employees in work. Another reason is that employees can also compare their value to others based on their pay. People routinely try their hands in maintaining equity between the inputs they bring to their occupation and the outcomes they acquire from it. Therefore, work efficiency also bases on how suitable the buck is. However, these aforementioned reasons can be seen as the opposite angle. Firstly, most people would accept that the work environment is the key to job satisfaction. For example, someone who is artistic is much more likely to be happy working for a low salary teaching art than earning a fortune as a merchant banker. In this case, money does not matter more the environment. Secondly, every complexity in work arises from money such as competition and yearning a higher position as well as a well-paid job. As a result, the power of money can also be a negative impact on someone who has wrong ambitions. In conclusion, while the salary is only one consideration in creating productivity, I would argue that it may be a mistake to place too much emphasis on the salary.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is the factor of job pleasure. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view, I do not believe that this is the most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be engrossed
in their job.

On the one hand, there are two primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why a
sufficiently
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in satisfying the employees. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the foundation of everyone’s lifestyle.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always fancy buying the latest fashion, paying the bills and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as the motivation to the employees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that employees can
also
compare their value to others based on their pay.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
routinely
try their hands in maintaining equity between the inputs they bring to their occupation and the outcomes they acquire from it.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency
also
bases on how suitable the buck is.

However
, these aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the opposite angle.
Firstly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would accept that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment is the key to job satisfaction.
For example
, someone who is artistic is much more likely to be happy working for a low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
teaching art than earning a fortune as a merchant banker.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
does not matter more the environment.
Secondly
, every complexity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
arises from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
such as competition and yearning a higher position
as well
as a well-paid job.
As a result
, the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
also
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on someone who has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ambitions.

In conclusion
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one consideration in creating productivity, I would argue that it may be a mistake to place too much emphasis on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to increase employees' job satisfaction is to increase their salaries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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