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Television has changed the quality of life for the ordinary person. v.1

Television has changed the quality of life for the ordinary person. v. 1
Technology has been fascinating the mankind for decades now. Television is such marvels of modern technology. It is agreed that television has changed the quality of life of an ordinary person. This will be proved by looking at television’s ability to, alleviate boredom, and empower people. To begin, television has provided humans with a viable past time without even leaving the comfort of their homes. For instance, instead of going through the hassle of getting to a movie theatre, a person can simply order a pay per view movie of their own choice by merely dialling few digits from their telephone. This luxury was not available to our ancestors, who didn’t have the blessing of television bestowed upon them and as a result had to endure a painstaking amount of boredom in their spare time. Thus, with television, the life quality of an ordinary person has made a quantum leap. Furthermore, since the inception of television, informative programs have been empowering ordinary people to take actions which have the potential to change the course of their lives. For instance, it was through one such television program, that I came to know about the power of a human’s subconscious mind, which ultimately helped me to, admonish all limiting beliefs that I had about my abilities, and lead a much happier and  fulfilling life. Because these kinds of television programs are dime a dozen in today’s world, enriching one’s life is not as hard as it used to be. This makes it clear, that television indeed has enhanced the quality of an ordinary individual. Following the analysis of television’s capability to disseminate knowledge and provision of pleasure, it is manifested that with the help of television, an ordinary person’s life has taken a drastic turn for the better. It is expected that people will continue to bear fruits of this technological masterpiece.
Technology has been fascinating the mankind for decades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is such marvels of modern technology. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. This will
be proved
by looking at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television’s
ability to, alleviate boredom, and empower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has provided humans with a viable
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
without even leaving the comfort of their homes.
For instance
,
instead
of going through the hassle of getting to a movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
simply
order a pay per view movie of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice by
merely
Possible spelling mistake found.
dialling
few digits from their telephone. This luxury was not available to our ancestors, who didn’t have the blessing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
bestowed upon them and
as a result
had to endure a painstaking amount of boredom in their spare time.
Thus
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has made a quantum leap.

Furthermore
, since the inception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, informative programs have been empowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to take actions which have the potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the course of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, it was through one such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
program, that I came to know about the power of a human’s subconscious mind, which
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to, admonish all limiting beliefs that I had about my abilities, and lead a much happier and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
fulfilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs are dime a dozen in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, enriching one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
indeed
has enhanced the quality of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
individual.

Following the analysis of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television’s
capability to disseminate knowledge and provision of pleasure, it
is manifested
that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has taken a drastic turn for the better. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will continue to bear fruits of this technological masterpiece.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Television has changed the quality of life for the ordinary person. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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