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Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions to the quality of life of ordinary people. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions to the quality of life of ordinary people. v. 1
Museums and art galleries have long been at the forefront of preserving and representing cultural values and histories of the nation. Presently, there are two schools of thought on the subject: some believe that they should mainly represent traditional and local cultures and there are others who opine that international collection should be displayed. This essay will discuss why traditional museums should focus on outlining the cultural aspects and artworks of the country while having separate museums with items from other countries. To begin with, the prime role of the museum is to educate the people about the history and tradition of the country. Since it conserves important cultural specimens, artefacts, artwork, and other items which boast our past and help researchers dig deeper into history. For instance, many national museums in Europe solely focus on preserving the artefacts and artwork from the country only and are quite popular among international tourists. So, museums which primarily signify tradition of the country should comprise of things of which we as a nation can be proud of. Having said that, the concept of the museum in the contemporary era has changed to a great extent. There are presently myriad types of museums which include aviation museum, war memorial, motor museums, archaeological museums, and the list goes on. Consequently, the popularity of such museums can only be gained by adding the international collection. For example, the motor museum in Australia has a collection from more than 20 countries and they serve their purpose just fine. Therefore, museums with international compilation often attract tourists and can be a great way to promote tourism. To conclude, museums and art galleries create learning exciting and memorable learning experience. This essay discussed the potential reasons to nurture the national and traditional museum while keeping the international collection to make it more functional and famous.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
and art galleries have long been at the forefront of preserving and representing cultural values and histories of the nation.
Presently
, there are two schools of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
on the subject:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that they should
mainly
represent traditional and local cultures and there are others who opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collection
should
be displayed
. This essay will discuss why traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should focus on outlining the cultural aspects and artworks of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
while having separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with items from other countries.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the prime role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is to educate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the history and tradition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Since it conserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cultural specimens,
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
, artwork, and other items which boast our past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
researchers dig deeper into history.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Europe
solely
focus on preserving the
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
and artwork from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and are quite popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which
primarily
signify tradition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
Did you mean "comprise" or "consist of"?
comprise of
things of which we as a nation can be proud of.

Having said that, the concept of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in the contemporary era has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to a great extent. There are
presently
myriad types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
which include aviation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, war memorial, motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, archaeological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, and the list goes on.
Consequently
, the popularity of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be gained
by adding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collection
.
For example
, the motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in Australia has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collection
from more than 20
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
they serve their purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fine.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
compilation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attract tourists and can be a great way to promote tourism.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries create learning exciting and memorable learning experience. This essay discussed the potential reasons to nurture the national and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
while keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collection
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more functional and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions to the quality of life of ordinary people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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