Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 6
Since Television has been invented, it serves the people for entertainment, news and various things. However, in some extent, people will get addicted by TV and its contents. I believe there would have positive and negative impacts. In this essay, we will look at both aspects with suitable examples. Firstly, in ancient times, people felt the difficulty of getting information from others. It came through either bird communication or word of mouth. Once Television was discovered, people get an information at their end and reacted accordingly. Moreover, TV live casting the events, screening the movies and songs, people seeing them and feel that they are entertained. For instance, a survey conducted by the BBC that, 50% of people across the globe learning new things by watching them in small screen. On the other hand, TV also provides contents in some extent like adult oriented, violence so people will see and get the negative signs by mimicking them particularly children. In addition, some people also get suffered from addiction of serials or other TV programmes. Thus, they ignore the day-to-day activities so it causes a significant effect on their lifestyles. To exemplify, a woman from Ireland, forgot her baby crying for food while watching TV. By the time, her husband came and see, had a serious conversation with them. To conclude, TV has both good and bad, so we should take them for good and consider for certain limits. Otherwise it leads to some unpleasant influences.
Since Television has
been invented
, it serves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for entertainment, news and various things.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted by TV and its contents. I believe there would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. In this essay, we will look at both aspects with suitable examples.

Firstly
, in ancient times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
felt the difficulty of getting information from others. It came through either bird communication or word of mouth. Once Television
was discovered
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an information at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
and reacted
accordingly
.
Moreover
, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
casting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, screening the movies and songs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seeing them and feel that they
are entertained
.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the BBC that, 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe learning new things by watching them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen.

On the other hand
, TV
also
provides contents in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent like adult oriented, violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
signs by mimicking them
particularly
children.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
suffered from addiction of serials or other TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
Thus
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the day-to-day activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it causes a significant effect on their lifestyles. To exemplify, a woman from Ireland, forgot her baby crying for food while watching TV. By the time, her husband came and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, had a serious conversation with them.

To conclude
, TV has both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should take them for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and consider for certain limits.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpleasant influences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts