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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words. v.9

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 9
Nowadays, most people spend their leisure time in watching television programs and many individuals argue that this can make people unproductive and have less time to socialize and interact with others. To begin with, there is a concerning issue regarding the increasing number of people allocating most of their free time in front of the television and subscribing in its programming. As a matter of fact, too much exposure to TV can damage the eyes, resulting in vision loss or poor eyesight. Moreover, TV can make people lazy and have a sedentary lifestyle leading to a higher risk to acquire life-threatening illnesses such as hypertension and diabetes. In addition, a person's social life can be affected severely wherein watching television can isolate an individual from others due to the fact that he/she will just stay within the confines of his/her home and not interact with other people. On the other hand, TV can be used as an educational tool to learn. There are various programmes that can be informative such as documentaries or historical channels and shows that tackles science and human behaviour. Moreover, the videos or illustrations shown in the television can be mind- stimulating and can improve the creativity and individuality of the younger generation. Furthermore, the elderly can be updated to the new technologies or advancements by watching different types of TV channels. Also, news reports can make everyone be knowledgeable and aware of the happenings all around the globe. In conclusion, I strongly believe that televisions can be beneficial to a human being if utilized properly and in moderation so that the health and interpersonal skills of an individual will not be compromised.
Nowadays, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their leisure time in watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals argue that this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unproductive and have less time to socialize and interact with others.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is a concerning issue regarding the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
allocating most of their free time in front of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and subscribing in its programming. As a matter of fact, too much exposure to TV can damage the eyes, resulting in vision loss or poor eyesight.
Moreover
, TV can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and have a sedentary lifestyle leading to a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to acquire life-threatening illnesses such as hypertension and diabetes.
In addition
, a person's social life can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
severely
wherein watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can isolate an individual from others due to the fact that he/she will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay within the confines of his/her home and not interact with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, TV can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an educational tool to learn. There are various
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
that can be informative such as documentaries or historical channels and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that tackles science and human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Moreover
, the videos or illustrations shown in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can be mind- stimulating and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the creativity and individuality of the younger generation.
Furthermore
, the elderly can
be updated
to the new technologies or advancements by watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of TV channels.
Also
, news reports can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
be
knowledgeable and aware of the happenings all around the globe.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
can be beneficial to a human being if utilized
properly
and in moderation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the health and interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of an individual will not
be compromised
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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