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Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 3
Television is one the wonderful invention by scientists. Using which we can watch updated news, serials and movies from all around the corner of the world. But, nowadays, television channels are running 24 hours and 7 days a week. Therefore, the people are spending their free time before the television. In my opinion, the leisure time should be used efficiently by the people, which will be discussed in the following passage. Youngsters should efficiently utilise the free-time for developing physical or mental activities instead of spending time by watching television channels. To elaborate, the youth has to do regular exercises at least one hour a day, since people are getting inactive by playing games on television, online shopping and social sites. For instance, in India during the summer break the parents will join their children in some short term courses like computer basics, swimming, drawing, dance etc. . , which will help the children in the future. Additionally, television is making people to less social with each other because almost 90% of the people have their own television at home and this is preventing them to socialize them with neighbours. Finally, communication industry is having a tough competition and the number of channels broadcasting is increased tremendously. For instance, there are totally around 10000 channels are broadcasting in the world, so people can choose their favour channel to watch or just scrolling all the channels only it will take around 5 to 6 hours. Consequently, in some homes we can find more than one television. This probing to watch the television, individually according to their own interest. To conclude, the television is just to provide the source of information and we have to use to get the latest information around the world. This wouldn't be used for time pass.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the wonderful invention by scientists. Using which we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
updated news, serials and movies from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the corner of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
are running 24 hours and 7 days a week.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. In my opinion, the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
efficiently
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which will
be discussed
in the following passage.

Youngsters should
efficiently
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the free-time for developing physical or mental activities
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
. To elaborate, the youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do regular exercises at least one hour a day, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting inactive by playing games on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, online shopping and social sites.
For instance
, in India during the summer break the parents will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their children in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
short term courses like computer basics, swimming, drawing, dance etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the children in the future.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to less social with each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
almost 90% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
at home and this is preventing them to socialize them with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.

Finally
, communication industry is having a tough competition and the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
broadcasting
is increased
tremendously
.
For instance
, there are
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
10000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
are broadcasting in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can choose their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
scrolling all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it will take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
5 to 6 hours.
Consequently
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
homes we can find more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. This probing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
individually
according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to provide the source of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
information and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the latest information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the world. This wouldn't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
pass.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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