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The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. v.1

The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. v. 1
It is true that nowadays, a very large number of people who decide to begin their own business as a replacement for working for other companies and organization. In my opinion, while I think that it brings both benefits and detriments, I believe that the disadvantages is outweighed by the advantages and I will explain why in my essay. On the one hand, there are many benefits about starting the own business. First of all, you can devote all the efforts and time to this business in order to make your own profits by controlling the money that you have made. Secondly, you can make your own decisions without any complaint from anybody. For example, Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, who has created the first smartphone that have changed the way people lives nowadays, although he has to suffer from many of the critics from other famous brands at first. Furthermore, you could do whatever you want at any times. On the other hands, there are also drawbacks of beginning your employment. Firstly, you have a large opportunity of losing your money and careers because you will have a little financial support from other people. Secondly, you will easier to fall failure unless you do not have much practical experience and skills. In conclusion, I think that although you might fail from the start if you start your own employment, there are many advantages that can encourage you to suffer through all of the risk and have the profits in the future.
It is true that nowadays, a
very
large number of
people
who decide to
begin
their
own
business as a replacement for working for
other
companies
and organization. In my opinion, while I
think
that it brings both benefits and detriments, I believe that the disadvantages
is outweighed
by the advantages and I will
explain
why in my essay.

On the one hand, there are
many
benefits about starting the
own
business.
First of all
, you can devote all the efforts and time to this business in order to
make
your
own
profits by controlling the money that you have made.

Secondly
, you can
make
your
own
decisions without any complaint from anybody.
For example
, Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, who has created the
first
smartphone that have
changed
the way
people
lives
nowadays, although he
has to
suffer from
many
of the critics from
other
famous
brands at
first
.
Furthermore
, you could do whatever you want at any times.

On the
other
hands, there are
also
drawbacks of beginning your employment.
Firstly
, you have a large opportunity of losing your money and careers
because
you will have a
little
financial support from
other
people
.
Secondly
, you will easier to fall failure unless you do not have much practical experience and
skills
.

In conclusion
, I
think
that although you might fail from the
start
if you
start
your
own
employment, there are
many
advantages that can encourage you to suffer through
all of the
risk
and have the profits in the future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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