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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 5
People are becoming more humdrum and lacking in social activities due to plethora use of television, as it engulfs their free time. I agree with that scenario, however, there are few advantages we must oversee. Positive side of the television is, it bestows us exorbitant of knowledge. Such as, it updates us to the world in the form of news where we can obtain the latest news as well as infotainment channels confer us with the latest technologies then comedy and other daily soaps help us to be informed, updated, and entertained respectively, while seating in the couch. As a result, I feel these views always helpful to everyone. I reckon, even it renders few wonderful things to us, but extra temptation may ruin our life. For example, after a hectic or challenging work we sit before the television and after some time we arrest ourself in front of it, while enjoying different channels. As a consequence, we unable to move from there and miss a lot of other essential activities. Named, doing exercise and reading books which keep us healthy and updated too. Last but not least, we also miss to meet our friends and neighbours who assist us in our up and downs. So, it is vital to keep the short block, to glance the television. To recapitulate, with our above discussion, we can utilise your precious free time in many other things with controlled TV views. It is true that with excess watching we can waste our time. To conquer the situation, we have to set the schedule which provides an abundance of our access time to do the additional things which boost our routine.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are becoming more humdrum and lacking in social activities due to plethora
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of television, as it engulfs their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that scenario,
however
, there are few advantages we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
oversee.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Positive
side of the television is, it bestows us exorbitant of knowledge. Such as, it updates us to the world in the form of news where we can obtain the latest news
as well
as infotainment channels confer us with the latest technologies then comedy and other daily soaps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
be informed
, updated, and entertained
respectively
, while seating in the couch.
As a result
, I feel these views always helpful to everyone.

I reckon, even it renders few wonderful things to us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
extra temptation may ruin our life.
For example
, after a hectic or challenging work we sit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the television and after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we arrest
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
in front of it, while enjoying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
channels. As a consequence,
Did you mean "we are" or "we were"?
we
unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from there and miss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
other essential activities. Named, doing exercise and reading books which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us healthy and updated too. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, we
also
miss to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
our friends and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
who assist us in our up and downs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the short block, to glance the television.

To recapitulate, with our above discussion, we can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
your precious free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things with controlled TV views. It is true that with excess watching we can waste our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To conquer the situation, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
set the schedule which provides an abundance of our access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do the additional things which boost our routine.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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