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Scientific research should be funded by governments rather than commercial organisations. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Scientific research should be funded by governments rather than commercial organisations. v. 1
There is a belief that the authorized unit should be responsible for the investment behind the scientific research and not the private organization. I completely agree with this view point. To begin with, the issues that can be created if the research has been funded by the commercial unit. One of them is limited availability of result for the public use. In other words, such companies, who is heavily invested money and time for the research, is more likely to focus on the earning instead of aiming the humanity. The result of this, the solution is only be available to the people who can effort it at the high price. For example, the medicine for coronavirus will be so much costly if it has been produced by the private sector and will not available to the poorer people. Another one is the limited access to the fund to invest in the research. To clarify this, athough the commercial organisation can spend good money on the scientific research, they could not allocate as much as money that the government can. Hence, they could not hire highly skilled person or purchase costly equipment which is require to test the quality of the product. On the other side, there are several benefits if the invention’s cost has been bared by the ministry. Firstly, the blue print of the invention will be kept secured at high level and the cloning will be controlled. To simplify this, as the patent of creation will be held by the authority, there will be less chance of duplication in the local. For instance, automatic weapon. Secondly, the quality of product will not compromised. Because of the several strict rules and regulations by the government for their own research, the reliability of such source will be high compare to the production of the private company. In conclusion, not only there are several negative sides of investment in science investigation by the company, such as lack of final output availbility to the public and the low investment capacity, but there are also several positive aspects, such as highly secured idea and the quality, if the research has been funded by the authority. Therefore, it can not be deny that the council should stand for the charges if the invention is so much important to the public.
There is a belief that the authorized unit should be responsible for the investment behind the scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and not the private organization. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view point.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the issues that can
be created
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
has
been funded
by the commercial unit. One of them
is limited
availability of result for the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
In other words
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, who is
heavily
invested money and time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, is more likely to focus on the earning
instead
of aiming the humanity. The result of this, the solution is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be available to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who can effort it at the high price.
For example
, the medicine for coronavirus will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much costly if it has
been produced
by the private sector and will not available to the poorer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Another one is the limited access to the fund to invest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
. To clarify this,
Possible spelling mistake found.
athough
the commercial
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
can spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
money on the scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, they could not allocate as much as money that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can.
Hence
, they could not hire
highly
skilled person or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
costly equipment which is
Consider using a past participle here: "required".
require
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the quality of the product.

On the other side, there are several benefits if the invention’s cost has
been bared
by the ministry.
Firstly
, the blue print of the invention will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
secured at high level and the cloning will
be controlled
. To simplify this, as the patent of creation will
be held
by the authority, there will be less chance of duplication in the local.
For instance
, automatic weapon.
Secondly
, the quality of product will not
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "compromise"
compromised
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the several strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, the reliability of such source will be high compare to the production of the private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
there are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of investment in science investigation by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, such as lack of final output
Possible spelling mistake found.
availbility
to the public and the low investment capacity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects, such as
highly
secured
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and the quality, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
has
been funded
by the authority.
Therefore
, it can not be
Consider using a past participle here: "denied".
deny
that the council should stand for the charges if the invention is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the public.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientific research should be funded by governments rather than commercial organisations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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