Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 2
We live in a world where the main source of entertainment for everyone around us is tv. We cannot agree more that without it we could not think of living our lives as it becomes the basic necessities of our lives. There are many advocates which are in its favour and some are against too, as there are pros and cons for everything, so same is the case with television. Firstly, it provides a major source of entertainment as there are too many channels to scroll that one cannot resist, it has everything we can need like food, cooking, movies, songs, travel. Secondly, if you are home alone all you have to do is turn on the television, this device will take you in a magical world which makes you feel like an overwhelmed for example, if you are watching any movie or drama or any serial the director takes your mind in it like you are actually playing a role in it and emphasis you for a role playing character. So, one can say that people now cannot think of living their life without it. On the other hand, the trend over the period has so much change that people today has preferred to spend the time alone as they don't like to be with people or to talk to them as they are much concerned about their personal lives for example, in the west there is a trend now that people spend their time at home rather to spend with families and friends. They have moved into a culture that it doesn't make them feel like meeting with someone and it becomes the main reason of depression which ultimately leads to more suicidal attempts. Similarly, being lazy at home and watching stuff makes you feel like you cannot move which ultimately the major reason of obesity there. So, we can say people have made themselves as introvert. To conclude, one has to take their time to meet with people around them as it will definitely make them feel good, also helps them to be on a positive side of life and I totally agree with this view as man is a social animal if he does opposite which he designs to do he will eventually face so many problems. So its better to live a healthy, active and balanced life.
We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a world where the main source of entertainment for everyone around us is
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
more that without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of living our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
as it becomes the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advocates which are in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are against too, as there are pros and cons for everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
same is the case with television.

Firstly
, it provides a major source of entertainment as there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
channels to scroll that one cannot resist, it has everything we can need like food, cooking, movies, songs, travel.
Secondly
, if you are home alone all you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do is turn on the television, this device will take you in a magical world which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like an overwhelmed
for example
, if you are watching any movie or drama or any serial the director takes your mind in it like you are actually playing a role in it and emphasis you for a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
role playing
character.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, one can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of living their life without it.

On the other hand
, the trend over the period has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has preferred to spend the time alone as they don't like to be with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or to talk to them as they are much concerned about their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
for example
, in the west there is a trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their time at home
rather
to spend with families and friends. They have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into a culture that it doesn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like meeting with someone and it becomes the main reason of depression which
ultimately
leads to more suicidal attempts.
Similarly
, being lazy at home and watching stuff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
which
ultimately
the major reason of obesity there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have made themselves as introvert.

To conclude
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take their time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them as it will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to be on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of life and I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is a social animal if he does opposite which he designs to do he will
eventually
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
its better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a healthy, active and balanced life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts