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Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion? v.1

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. v. 1
It has been argued by many that the government should not fund art as it is a sheer waste of resources as the money can be spent on the uplift of basic necessities of life, whereas others believe that spending on such activities is necessary to keep the values of a nation alive. In my opinion, I fully agree with the former belief that the humanity takes priority and the state should stop supporting fields like culture. On the one hand, a huge amount is required for the uplift of cultural services and consumes a lot of the country's revenue. There is a strong vibe that this practice should be curbed and I also believe so. Firstly, the portion of the budget spent on the exhibitions can be used for the betterment of poor population. Secondly, the civic facilities can be improved if adequate amount is available to the rulers. Moreover, progress in the field of art has just an abstract value and don't generate any financial benefit, so it's better to invest in other sectors like the power generation, import and export, education and food supply. For instance, the same concept has been followed in true letter and spirit in many countries of the world like Thailand. On the other hand, many intellectuals believe that the nations must keep their traditions alive by promoting their inherited values. Firstly, it will keep them connected to their past. Secondly, it will strengthen the bondage among the people. Furthermore, the uniqueness of the nation is being maintained by such activities. So, in order to maintain an integrity of a nation, it's thought that the economists must make plans for the upkeep of the folk activities. For example, the Turkish government is famous for its spending on traditional framework. To conclude, I believe that in this era where poverty and other humanitarian crises are at their peak, it's obligatory for the lawmakers to give priority to such issues rather than spending on the music and fashion industry.
It has
been argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not fund art as it is a sheer waste of resources as the money can
be spent
on the uplift of
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of life, whereas others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that spending on such activities is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the values of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
alive. In my opinion, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former belief that the humanity takes priority and the state should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
supporting fields like culture.

On the one hand, a huge amount
is required
for the uplift of cultural services and consumes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the country's revenue. There is a strong vibe that this practice should
be curbed
and I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Firstly
, the portion of the budget spent on the exhibitions can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the betterment of poor population.
Secondly
, the civic facilities can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
if adequate amount is available to the rulers.
Moreover
, progress in the field of art has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an abstract value and don't generate any financial benefit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it's better to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors like the power generation, import and export, education and food supply.
For instance
, the same concept has
been followed
in true letter and spirit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries of the world like Thailand.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
intellectuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their traditions alive by promoting their inherited values.
Firstly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them connected to their past.
Secondly
, it will strengthen the bondage among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Furthermore
, the uniqueness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is
being maintained
by such activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in order to maintain an integrity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the economists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plans for the upkeep of the folk activities.
For example
, the Turkish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for its spending on traditional framework.

To conclude
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that in this era where poverty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
humanitarian crises are at their peak, it's obligatory for the lawmakers to give priority to such issues
rather
than spending on the music and fashion industry.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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