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Computer games are very popular in all ages and nationalities. Parents think is has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. What is your opinion and give example based on your own experience. v.2

Computer games are very popular in all ages and nationalities. Parents think is has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. What is your opinion and give example based on your own experience. v. 2
Computer games have seen a radical rise in popularity among children. Some parents believe, such games have adverse effects on the mental growth of a their children, and provide no educational value. I concur with this argument and in this essay I will put forth of views with suitable examples. Firstly, Children nowadays spend hours playing video games, and this sometimes affects the mental health of a child. For example, a research conducted by the United Nations found that, playing video games for long stretches of time will lead to depression and mental instability among children. Moreover, video games can be very addictive and it is important for parents to keep an eye on their children's gaming habits. This addiction will affect a child's study time and ultimately it will bad grades at school. Secondly, some of the video games these days are very violent and children can easily be influenced by such games. For example, even some of the PG rated games today like "Deadline" has very graphic violence as part of their storyline. For instance, in a recent study conducted by the Institute for Children's welfare, it was found that, in sixty percentage of the mass shooting happening across schools is the US, the shooter is influenced by violent video games. This statistic is very alarming, and parents should curate the games played by their children. To conclude, I am not against children playing video games, since it provides an avenue for the children to relax, but parents should always be very careful of the games that their children are playing, since it can have a negative impact on their mental growth.
Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a radical rise in popularity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have adverse effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
growth of a their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and provide no educational value. I concur with this argument and in this essay I will put forth of views with suitable examples.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
nowadays spend hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health of a child.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by the United Nations found that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for long stretches of time will lead to depression and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
instability among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their children's gaming habits. This addiction will affect a child's study time and
ultimately
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
grades at school.

Secondly
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
these days are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
violent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
easily
be influenced
by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, even
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
PG rated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
like
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Deadline
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
graphic violence as part of their storyline.
For instance
, in a recent study conducted by the Institute for Children's welfare, it
was found
that, in sixty percentage of the mass shooting happening across schools is the US, the shooter
is influenced
by violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This statistic is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
alarming, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should curate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
played by their children.

To conclude
, I am not against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, since it provides an avenue for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to relax,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should always be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
, since it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
growth.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Computer games are very popular in all ages and nationalities. Parents think is has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. What is your opinion and give example based on your own experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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