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Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
Many people are addicted to watching television on their leisure time. However, people believe that watching TV can make them less active and un-socialize in their spare time. This essay will argue that why television plays vital role in the disengagement to loved ones and makes you more lazy. In my grandfather's era, people were very active and they were socialized to their family members as the invention of television was not effective. In that time period, after taking dinner, people used to go on a walk or meet their friends. Moreover, they can share their problems with their friends or family members to get the best solution and they can spend their leisure time watching movies, playing sports or biking, so that they cultivate their mood to recharge their body from the hectic schedule. Indeed, there have been recorded instances of people staying healthy when they spent their spare time with family members or friends. These few instances have proven why people are active and socialize because of not having television in their time zone. Contradictory, after an invention of television people are unable to communicate frequently for their loved ones. Moreover, after coming from the job, people used to sit beside the TV and they spent numerous time. Also, an increasing, watching TV may deteriorate their health problems such as eye fatigue or build up obesity. As a result, those who watch TV on daily basis may separate their world from fellow members and they can become mentally sick or go for depression. For example, scientifically proven that people who are addicted towards television can cause eye problem or become couch potato. Overall, an invention of television plays a vital role on ones hygiene and it can take them away from their social life. In conclusion, this essay argued that people who watches TV on a daily basis may cause health problem and it cannot make you socialize. In my opinion, if TV is watched in limited and time constrained manner, then all these negative effects can be eliminated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
on their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that watching TV can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them less active and
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-socialize
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This essay will argue that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
plays vital role in the disengagement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you more lazy.

In my grandfather's era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
active and
they
were socialized
to their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
as the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
was not effective. In that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period, after taking dinner,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go on a walk or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their friends.
Moreover
, they can share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with their friends or family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
solution and
they can spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching movies, playing sports or biking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they cultivate their mood to recharge their body from the hectic schedule.
Indeed
, there have
been recorded
instances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
staying healthy when they spent their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
or friends. These few instances have proven why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are active and socialize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
zone.

Contradictory, after an invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to communicate
frequently
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Moreover
, after coming from the job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sit beside the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
TV and
they spent numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Also
, an increasing, watching TV may deteriorate their health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as eye fatigue or build up obesity.
As a result
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV on daily basis may separate their world from fellow
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
members and
they can become mentally sick or go for depression.
For example
,
scientifically
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are addicted
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can cause eye
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
or become couch potato.
Overall
, an invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
plays a vital role on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
hygiene and it can take them away from their social life.

In conclusion
, this essay argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "watch"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
watches
TV on a daily basis may cause health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and it cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you socialize. In my opinion, if TV is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
in limited and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
constrained manner, then all these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects can
be eliminated
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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