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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree? v.13

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. v. 13
One of the most conspicuous trends in today's world is television. Some people believe that television is stopping people from socializing with fellow neighbours. On the other hand, others argue that television can connect people with the virtual world through interactive programs. As such, there are both merits and demerits for this trend. In my view, I strongly agree that watching television is killing our leisure time and it leads to laziness. Firstly, watching television can cut ourselves from the rest of the world. Many people are watching television programs and becoming fat by avoiding daily exercise routine. However, teenagers are affected by this activity and parents are worried about their declining social skills. For instance, a recent survey reported that most high school students' are no longer interested in playing outdoor games in the evening and wish to watch television all day. Needless to say, watching television can affect our lifestyle and communication skills. Secondly, a possible solution for this trend is to allocate time for every aspect of life and try to socialize with neighbours. Moreover, over watching television can lead to poor eye vision and most people are suffering from poor vision. For example, researchers suggested that kids are having poor vision because of television watching. Hence, people should reassess their daily routine and try to socialize with neighbours to enhance their communication skills. In conclusion, change is the essence of nature and people have to choose between the available options and improve their lifestyle by less watching television and more time with friends and family for a better life. Finally, the negative impacts of television are too dire to ignore.
One of the most conspicuous trends in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is stopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from socializing with fellow
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
On the other hand
, others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the virtual world through interactive programs. As such, there are both merits and demerits for this trend. In my view, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is killing our leisure time and it leads to laziness.

Firstly
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
ourselves from the rest of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
programs and becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
by avoiding daily exercise routine.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this activity and parents
are worried
about their declining social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, a recent survey reported that most high school students' are no longer interested in playing outdoor games in the evening and wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
all day. Needless to say, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can affect our lifestyle and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Secondly
, a possible solution for this trend is to allocate time for every aspect of life and try to socialize with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Moreover
, over watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can lead to poor eye vision and most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from poor vision.
For example
, researchers suggested that kids are having poor vision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
watching.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should reassess their daily routine and try to socialize with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
to enhance their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is the essence of nature and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose between the available options and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle by less watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and more time with friends and family for a better life.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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