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Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment. v.5

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment. v. 5
English has been a universal language for several decades now. It's taught in almost every country and its simplicity has made it easy to learn. However, you'd find that some of the locals aren't pleased with the consequences, as kids begin to get immersed in English forgetting about their local language. Some even prefer it more! There's no denying that learning English is a necessity. It's used internationally and it can help you study abroad. Also, having English as a second tongue could open up more professional opportunities for you. Nevertheless, it seems to be dominating local languages, especially among younger generations, you'd find that they would start speaking English rather than their mother tongue. It's even used as a measure of status; some people, for instance, believe that being able to speak English means that you're well-educated and wealthy. That being said, is it really important to acquire English as a language? In my opinion, I think that it's important to learn English. It's a handy language and one can always make use of it. However, it shouldn't come in the way of local languages; these should remain intact. We should definitely ensure the survival of local languages, as they are part of the culture. This could be done by ensuring that the mother tongue gets taught in all schools, building communities where everyone can participate in activities that enhances their linguistics and through teaching the locals the history of their language. In conclusion, being able to speak English is great, but one should always pride in their language and never lose it.
English has been a universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
for several decades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
taught in almost every country and its simplicity has made it easy to learn.
However
, you'd find that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
aren't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with the consequences, as kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
immersed in English forgetting about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
even prefer it more!

There's no denying that learning English is a necessity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internationally
and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you study abroad.
Also
, having English as a second tongue could open up more professional opportunities for you.
Nevertheless
, it seems to be dominating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
,
especially
among younger generations, you'd find that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
speaking English
rather
than their mother tongue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a measure of status;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
for instance
, believe that being able to speak English means that you're well-educated and wealthy. That
being said
, is it
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to acquire English as a language?

In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to learn English.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
a handy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and one can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it.
However
, it shouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
; these should remain intact. We should definitely ensure the survival of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, as they are part of the culture. This could
be done
by ensuring that the mother tongue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
taught in all schools, building communities where everyone can participate in activities that enhances their linguistics and through teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
the history of their language.

In conclusion
, being able to speak English is great,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one should always pride in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and never lose it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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