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Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? v.3

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? v. 3
Nowadays, somebody can show their talent easily in various methods. In my view, one of the most popular ways is through televised talent shows. However, besides the purpose of finding talented ones, TV talent shows could also be really entertaining. In my opinion, although talent shows are entertainment for many people in the world, there are a lot of inhabitants who are hopeful to show their talents. I think, all the talent shows are a positively good idea to find talented people with high abilities such as singing, dancing, doing wonderful tracks and etc. What is more important they become known to a lot of people because, after the shows, there are various opportunities from important peoples in all of the world. After the shows, the contestants could continue to pursue their dreams with fewer obstacles in their ways. Above all, any TV programs are related to their viewers and talented shows should be enjoyable. Therefore, all the talent shows must have something entertaining to attract the viewers, which increases the rating of the shows. For example, in American Idol, there are always some bizarre people doing really strange things, which is not related to singing at all. Those people could not get to the next round for sure, but they attract a lot of people to watch them, which brings the show a really high rating. For that reason, I believe talent shows are also entertaining. To summarize, TV talent should often attend to finding talented people aspects, in the same way, it's very necessary to attract more viewers with entertainment aspects. So, talent shows are combine of discovering talented people and entertainment.
Nowadays, somebody can
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show
their
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talent
easily
in various methods. In my view, one of the most popular ways is through televised
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talent
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shows
.
However
,
besides
the purpose of finding
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talented
ones, TV
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talent
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shows
could
also
be
really
entertaining.

In my opinion, although
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talent
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shows
are entertainment for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
in the world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
inhabitants who are hopeful to
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show
their
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talents
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, all the
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talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are a
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to find
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talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with high abilities such as singing, dancing, doing wonderful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

What is more
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important
they become known to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, after the
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shows
, there are various opportunities from
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important
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peoples
in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
world. After the
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shows
, the contestants could continue to pursue their dreams with fewer obstacles in their ways.

Above all
, any TV programs
are related
to their viewers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
should be enjoyable.
Therefore
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have something entertaining to attract the viewers, which increases the rating of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

For example
, in American Idol, there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bizarre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing
really
strange things, which is not related to singing at all. Those
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people
could not
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get
to the
next
round for sure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
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people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them, which brings the
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show
a
really
high rating. For that reason, I believe
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talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are
also
entertaining.

To summarize
, TV
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talent
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attend to finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aspects,
in the same way
, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to attract more viewers with entertainment aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
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talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are combine of discovering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and entertainment.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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