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Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? v. 1
In today's world, there are a lot of talented people, who could be found easily in many ways. One of them, which in my point of view is the most popular in many societies, is through televised talent show. However, besides the purpose of finding talented ones, TV talent show could also be really entertaining. I think, most of the talent shows could be efficient methods in order to find out gifted people. Firstly, entering a talent contest is a perfect way of getting noticed in the industry or exposure to a wider audience. For instance, people who want to become singers can use popular TV shows to gain more experience in the music industry as well as performing on stage, so that they can both be better known and benefit from the judges' advice for their advancement. Secondly, spectators who follow talent acts broadcasted on television could be absolutely entertained or even encouraged to chase their long-cherished dreams. Whereas watching those shows, people can imagine themselves on stage, striving to be successful, believing that it is possible to make their aspiration come into reality. Shervin Hajipour, for example, by participating in New Age talent show, was able to officially become a singer after attracting the attention of judges and audience. Of course, no one can deny the recreational aspect of these TV programs, and all the talent shows must have something entertaining to attract the viewers, which to increase the ratings of the shows. For illustrate, in New Age, there are always some bizarre people doing really strange things such as magicians. Those people may not be able to get to the next round, but they attract a lot of people to watch them, which brings the show a really high rating. For this reason, I believe that talent shows are also entertainment. In conclusion, TV talent shows are a good way to look for people with natural abilities for singing, dancing, acting, etc. Moreover, they could also be a really entertaining way to relax on our free time. So, talent shows are combine of discovering talented people and entertainment.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who could
be found
easily
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. One of them, which in my point of view is the most popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies, is through televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
.
However
,
besides
the purpose of finding talented ones, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
could
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
entertaining.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
could be efficient methods in order to find out gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, entering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
contest is a perfect way of getting noticed in the industry or exposure to a wider audience.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to become singers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
popular TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
to gain more experience in the music industry
as well
as performing on stage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can both be better known and benefit from the judges' advice for their advancement.
Secondly
, spectators who follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
acts broadcasted on television could be
absolutely
entertained or even encouraged to chase their long-cherished dreams. Whereas watching those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can imagine themselves on stage, striving to be successful, believing that it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their aspiration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into reality.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shervin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hajipour
,
for example
, by participating in New Age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
, was able to
officially
become a singer after attracting the attention of judges and audience.

Of course
, no one can deny the recreational aspect of these TV programs, and all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have something entertaining to attract the viewers, which to increase the ratings of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. For illustrate, in New Age, there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bizarre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
strange things such as magicians. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the
next
round,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them, which brings the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
high rating.
For this reason
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are
also
entertainment.

In conclusion
, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with natural abilities for singing, dancing, acting, etc.
Moreover
, they could
also
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
entertaining way to relax on our free time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are combine of discovering talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and entertainment.
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A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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