Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

"Telecommuting" refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. v.6

"Telecommuting" refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. v. 6
Nowadays, thanks to modernization, the way of communication between people has thoroughly become different than before. Using of electronic systems, humans are able to connect with each other, at their workplace or home. I personally believe that this technology has created more job opportunities for individuals, have reduced traffic load, and they have become more socially active. Obviously, advancements in telecommunication have enhanced the capacity of the workforce in many countries. Some new graduates, who do not have sufficient financial backup, are able to work from their home. For example, my cousin, who is a fresh e-commerce developer graduate, has recently selected his home as his office, saving just over $1500 paid for rent and bills each month. Many other fresh engineers can use this novel method to do their business. Another positive impact of this technology is that it has tremendously subsided traffic congestion in cities. Clearly, the less number of people commute between their home and office, the less severe traffic problem they will face in urban areas. To communicate with their partners, they can use their personal computer from their home, while before they had to spend almost one hour to reach their work. In this case, reported by the transport authorities of Tehran, the load vehicles in central area could be declined to almost half if telecommunication has been expanded by giant corporations, according to a report of a local economy magazine. Lastly, this method has caused people to become more socially active. Definitely, had not this technology been so popular, nation’s cultures would have become less recognisable to other nations. They can use a variety of visual and audio features of the Internet and communicate with each other. For instance, Facebook, the leading contemporary social network, has led humans from different nationalities to have a closer relationship. They can send messages, chat, send or receive files or post video clips or pictures on their timeline, making the web a better place for communication. In conclusion, progress in the cyberspace has created a better opportunity for humans to have a better living condition. From my perspective, this technology has increased job positions for the job seekers, commuting less between their home and workplace, and intercultural understanding has become more possible, far greater than the past.
Nowadays, thanks to modernization, the way of communication between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
thoroughly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Using of electronic systems, humans are able to connect with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, at their workplace or home. I
personally
believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has created more job opportunities for individuals, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
traffic load, and they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
socially
active.

Obviously
, advancements in telecommunication have enhanced the capacity of the workforce in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
new graduates, who do not have sufficient financial backup, are able to work from their home.
For example
, my cousin, who is a fresh e-commerce developer graduate, has recently selected his home as his office, saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over $1500 paid for rent and bills each month.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fresh engineers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this novel method to do their business.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is that it has
tremendously
subsided traffic congestion in cities.
Clearly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commute between their home and office, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
severe traffic problem they will face in urban areas. To communicate with their partners, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their personal computer from their home, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they had to spend almost one hour to reach their work.
In this case
, reported by the transport authorities of Tehran, the load vehicles in central area could
be declined
to almost half if telecommunication has
been expanded
by giant corporations, according to a report of a local economy magazine.

Lastly
, this method has caused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
socially
active. Definitely, had not this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular, nation’s cultures would have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognisable' is British English.
recognisable
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a variety of visual and audio features of the Internet and communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For instance
, Facebook, the leading contemporary social network, has led humans from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities to have a closer relationship. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages, chat,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
or receive files or post video clips or pictures on their timeline, making the web a better place for communication.

In conclusion
, progress in the cyberspace has created a better opportunity for humans to have a better living condition. From my perspective, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has increased job positions for the job seekers, commuting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
between their home and workplace, and intercultural understanding has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more possible, far greater than the past.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay "Telecommuting" refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts