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Children below the age of sixteen should not be allowed in public places after midnight unless they are accompanied by an adult who is responsible for them. v.1

Children below the age of sixteen should not be allowed in public places after midnight unless they are accompanied by an adult who is responsible for them. v. 1
Many parents do not allow their teenage children to be in public places at night and accompany them if they need to go to any public place at night. In my opinion, this is a valid way of ensuring the safety of such adolescents. Firstly, the boys and girls who are less than 16 years old do not need to be outside, especially at public places at midnight. They should be at home with their parents and within the secured premises. Public places at midnight in many cases are not secured and being there without a proper guardian is not safe at all for such young kids. In urban area people mostly stay at home in the midnight and do not go outside if this is urgent. The police patrols and other security authorities find it suspicious if they find someone at night. So being at public places at midnight is not a good idea. Secondly, the rogue people and criminals find it suitable to operate at night. There is a change that a young boy or girl might become a victim of such crime and that’s why they should not be allowed to be outside at night. In a metropolitan city, many people remain outside till the late night but still this is not safe for young children. It is a custom that children would be outside in broad daylight while they should be in safe-zone, home, at night. In conclusion, in most of the parts of the world children less than 16 years old remain at home at midnight and this is necessary for their safety. If they really need to go outside at midnight, proper guardian or parents should always accompany them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
and accompany them if they need to go to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. In my opinion, this is a valid way of ensuring the safety of such adolescents.

Firstly
, the boys and girls who are less than 16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
do not need to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
,
especially
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
at midnight. They should be at home with their parents and within the secured premises.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
at midnight in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases are not secured and being there without a proper guardian is not safe at all for such young kids. In urban area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mostly
stay at home in the midnight and do not go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
if this is urgent. The police patrols and other security authorities find it suspicious if they find someone at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
being at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
at midnight is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Secondly
, the rogue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and criminals find it suitable to operate at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
. There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that a young boy or girl might become a victim of such crime and that’s why they should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
at night.

In a metropolitan city,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
till the late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
this is not safe for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is a custom that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
in broad daylight while they should be in safe-zone, home, at night.

In conclusion
, in most of the parts of the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less than 16 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
remain at home at midnight and this is necessary for their safety. If they
really
need to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
at midnight, proper guardian or parents should always accompany them.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Children below the age of sixteen should not be allowed in public places after midnight unless they are accompanied by an adult who is responsible for them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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