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It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. v.2

It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. v. 2
There is much discussion nowadays as to whether or not the relationship between family members is as close as before. Diverse contributing factors can be identified. In the following, I would like to present my point of view. Great changes have taken place in family life along with the development of society. One of them is that the once-extended family tends to become smaller and smaller. Many children have to leave their parents at an early age to study or work elsewhere. As time passes, children become emotionally estranged from their parents. Compared with the past, social competition is becoming increasingly fierce. People are urged to concentrate their efforts on their works so that they can achieve success or at least a good standard of living. As a result, they can’t afford to spend their leisure hours with their families. The importance of bonds of kinship is gradually fading from their minds. In addition, the availability of various kinds of recreational facilities also diverts people from enjoying chats with the members of their families. Their free time is mostly occupied by watching TV, surfing the Internet or playing video games. They come to lose interest in communicating with the other members of their families. In view of such alienation within families, urgent steps must be taken, in my opinion. For members of families who live away from one another, regular contact on the phone can bring them the care that they need. Family reunions on holidays or other important occasions can make a difference as well. For those living together, it is a good idea to take some time off work or recreation periods to spend more time with each other. In the final analysis, a close family relationship can surely be maintained as long as we realise the significant role it plays in our lives and we attach importance to it.
There is much discussion nowadays
as to whether or not
the relationship between
family
members
is as close as
before
. Diverse contributing factors can
be identified
. In the following, I would like to present my point of view.

Great
changes
have taken place in
family
life along with the development of society. One of them is that the once-extended
family
tends to become smaller and smaller.
Many
children
have to
leave
their parents at an early age to study or work elsewhere. As
time
passes, children become
emotionally
estranged from their parents.

Compared with the past, social competition is becoming
increasingly
fierce.
People
are urged
to concentrate their efforts on their works
so
that they can achieve success or at least a
good
standard of living.
As a result
, they can’t afford to spend their leisure hours with their
families
. The importance of bonds of kinship is
gradually
fading from their minds.

In addition
, the availability of various kinds of recreational facilities
also
diverts
people
from enjoying chats with the
members
of their
families
. Their free
time
is
mostly
occupied by watching TV, surfing the Internet or playing video games. They
come
to lose interest in communicating with the other
members
of their
families
. In view of such alienation within
families
, urgent steps
must
be taken
, in my opinion. For
members
of
families
who
live
away from one another, regular contact on the phone can bring them the care that they need.
Family
reunions on holidays or other
important
occasions can
make
a difference
as well
. For those living together, it is a
good
idea
to take
some
time
off work or recreation periods to spend more
time
with each other.

In the final analysis, a close
family
relationship can
surely
be maintained
as long as we
realise
the significant role it plays in our
lives and
we attach importance to it.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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