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'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v.2

'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v. 2
It is true that visual and audio systems of the cyber-space have revolutionised the way of communication in the workplace. People are influenced in different ways as telecommunication technology was introduced in their jobs, and I firmly believe that it not only has been beneficial to trading, but to medicine and engineering. Obviously, many businesspersons can connect to their partners or customers through the web. They can talk to them via their webcam at their home, without being necessary to appear in their office. As a prime example, a U. S investor can communicate with his partner in China through Skype, and even order and check out the items being bought or sold from home. As a result, he can save the time which is needed to commute between his home and office. Another field of usage of this technology is in medicine. To have access to the latest information of their patients, many doctors can check them via their personal laptop or cell phone. For instance, as a cardiologist, I have to visit plenty of people every day. Some tasks can be handled from home, like checking of laboratory results; therefore, it is not necessary I stay in the hospital to see them. Had not this technology been invented, doctors would not have saved their precious time. Lastly, this innovation has tremendously been useful for engineers. Clearly, to design their constructions, they can operate part of their work in their home, while they had to spend several hours a day at their office to observe their project in the past. In particular, my brother who works for a U. S mobile company in Australia can handle most parts of his duty from home, and his manager can see the results on the screen of his computer at the same time. In my opinion, the society would be greatly benefitted from the gradual increase of telecommuting by the professionals. People will get their necessary services staying from home while the business growth would expand. People would no longer need to travel a long distance to attend a meeting and this will save their time that they can spend with their family members. Thus telecommuting would make a better social bonding hence people would have more spare time to do social activities. In brief, modernization in computer systems has assisted many professionals to work from their home. From my point of view, telecommunication has been and will become a leading system in many professions, including medicine, trading and engineering.
It is true that visual and audio systems of the cyber-space have
revolutionised
the way of communication in the workplace.
People
are influenced
in
different
ways as telecommunication technology
was introduced
in their jobs, and I
firmly
believe that it not
only
has been beneficial to trading,
but
to medicine and engineering.

Obviously
,
many
businesspersons can connect to their partners or customers through the web. They can talk to them via their webcam at their home, without being necessary to appear in their office. As a prime example, a U. S investor can communicate with his partner in China through Skype, and even order and
check
out the items being
bought
or sold from home.
As a result
, he can save the time which
is needed
to commute between his home and office.

Another field of usage of this technology is in medicine. To have access to the latest information of their patients,
many
doctors can
check
them via their personal laptop or cell phone.
For instance
, as a cardiologist, I
have to
visit
plenty
of
people
every day.
Some
tasks can
be handled
from home, like checking of laboratory results;
therefore
, it is not necessary I stay in the hospital to
see
them. Had not this technology
been invented
, doctors would not have saved their precious time.

Lastly
, this innovation has
tremendously
been useful for engineers.
Clearly
, to design their constructions, they can operate part of their work in their home, while they had to spend several hours a day at their office to observe their project in the past.
In particular
, my brother who works for a U. S mobile
company
in Australia can handle most parts of his duty from home, and his manager can
see
the results on the screen of his computer at the same time.

In my opinion, the society would be
greatly
benefitted
from the gradual increase of telecommuting by the professionals.
People
will
get
their necessary services staying from home while the business growth would expand.
People
would no longer need to travel a long distance to attend a meeting and this will save their time that they can spend with their family members.
Thus
telecommuting would
make
a better social bonding
hence
people
would have more spare time to do social activities.

In brief
, modernization in computer systems has assisted
many
professionals to work from their home. From my point of view, telecommunication has been and will become a leading system in
many
professions, including medicine, trading and engineering.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay 'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home for part of each week and communicating with their office using computer technology. Telecommuting is growing in many countries and is expected to be common for most office workers in the coming decades. How do you think society will be affected by the growth of telecommuting? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
418 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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